50 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, A PICTORIAL HISTORY, AND ONE POEM. HUZZAH!
Ruthie and I were married at St Bridget of Sweden Catholic Church in Lindstrom, MN 50 years ago.Of course, it all began 55 years earlier, when we started dating.My brother, Bill, was my best man. I remember Bill taking me to a bar on Dec. 26th to give me advise on married life. Ruthie wanted to know whether our son, Luke, and I should recreate that scene last night. Luke declined.Ruthie attended by her wedding entourage (from left to right) my sister, Mary Ruth, Ruthie’s sister, Jeannie, Ruthie’s sister, Annie, Ruthie’s little sister, Teresa was the flower girl, and, Ruthie’s matron of honor, Cherie DuCharme (Ruth was in Cherie’s wedding the year before.).My wedding party from left to right: Ruthie’s brother, Gary, Ruthie’s brother, Paul, myself, my brother, Bill (who was my best man), and a good friend, Phil Soucheray.Ruthie being readied to walk up the aisle by her dad, Al, and her mother, Rose Mary. Ruthie told me many years later, that her dad kept telling her as he escorted her up the aisle, “You can still get out of this if you want to. I won’t be mad. It’s okay if you don’t want to do this.” Of course, I don’t blame Al. After all, his daughter was marrying a musician, who was working part-time as an X-ray aide at Miller Hospital whilst looking for a teaching position. Needless to say, I am forever indebted to Al for allowing me to marry Ruthie. I think his opinion of me changed when his first grandson, Andy was born 11 months later.The most important time of the night, when Ruthie and I were exchanging vows. Fr Bob Patterson was the presided and witnessed our vows. Bill had the rings at the ready.The best time of my life had begun as we walked down the aisle together. I had arranged all the music for the wedding, including a trumpet/pipe organ piece. I composed a song for communion. So, my music skills were present at the time. My good friend and fellow music major, Diane Strafelda, did the singing at the wedding. Ruthie greeting her paternal grandma, as I greeted my cousin, Jill Erstman. Dad and Mom are to my left.Ruthie and her BFF, Cherie DuCharme.From left to right: Ruthie’s Dad and Mom, Al and Rose Mary Ahmann, Ruthie and I, and my Mom and Dad.The whole entourage. The one thing I would change would be to take the wedding pictures prior to the wedding. Because we got married on a Friday, the wedding was scheduled for 7 pm. We took the wedding pictures at 8 pm, while all our guests were waiting to be fed in the church hall. We wanted to be “traditional” and so everyone went hungry until all the pictures were taken. Hindsight informed us how stupid that was.Cutting the cake … it was a great cake. Ruthie’s mom saved a piece and froze it so we could eat it on our first wedding anniversary.Ruthie and I met playing French Horn in the band at St Bernard’s High School. I admired her embouchure then and continue to admire and sample her embouchure to this very day.We left the reception at 11 pm, drove back to Ruthie’s farm, change clothes, and started the long drive up to Duluth. I believe it was a -40 degrees in Duluth when we arrived at the Radisson Hotel at 2 am. Ruthie, an RN, had worked the night before our wedding and had only gotten a couple hours of sleep the day of our wedding. She slept all the way up to Duluth in the car. I wanted to speed on the freeway but we had the Highway Patrol follow us all the way up to Duluth.My gorgeous bride. Note that we got the “bar” set up in the background: Ron Rico Rum and Coke (rum and coke was our drink of choice at that time).Ruthie tending bar.What can one do in -40 degree Duluth on little money? 1) Eat out at a Chinese restaurant within walking distance (our favorite place, the Chinese Lantern (which had the decor of what I thought was a white slavery institution … but great food); 2) Watch the Vikings defeat the Rams in the playoffs (let’s face it I was a damn fool. I had the most beautiful woman in the world and wasted time watching those damn Vikings). 3) Go see the movie, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger, Too (Duluth, at that time, had three movie theaters. The Disney film was at one; and two porn epics, “The Devin in Miss Jones” and “Deep Throat” were at the other two. So … the wonderful things about Tiggers, are Tiggers are wonderful things …”) 4) Eat at the top of the Radisson … very expensive but the restaurant at the top of the Radisson revolves around so one can see ALL of Duluth as one eats. And ….And … play gin rummey. She beat the crap out of me in all the games. What about making love? Well, a gentleman does not kiss and tell.However, one does not have to kiss and tell when one has it recorded on film.
A QUICK JOURNEY THROUGH 50 YEARS OF MARRIAGE
New Year’s Eve with Ruthie, Rob DuCharme, Cherie DuCharme, 500, and some rum and coke. I was pretty much sober as a judge (I had to play Masses in the morning), but everyone else had a great time.Ruthie and I, April 1975. Ruthie was three months pregnant with Andy.Ruthie and our first born, Andy, Nov 4, 1975.Ruthie and Andy at the little house we rented in Jeffers, MN during my first teaching job.Me, Bill, and Andy in Jeffers, MNRuthie, her dad, Al, her paternal grandma, and Andy.Ruth and newborn, Luke, July 19, 1977.
Ruthie dancing with Luke at her brother, Paul’s wedding.
Homeless, Ruthie, Andy, Luke and I living at my folks, and Ruthie’s folks while I was looking for a new teaching job (My position in Jeffers had been cut).
Ruth, Luke, and Andy.
Ruthie and I, Andy and Luke, finally at our own home (thanks to President Jimmy Carter and the Farmers Home Administration) of the past 47 years.Ruth and Meg, April 6, 1981.Ruthie, Luke, Andy, Me, and Meg.Meg coming home.Andy, Meg, and Luke.Ruth and Beth, January 11, 1984.Ruthie talking to her mom about the 11 pound baby she just gave birth to.Our kids, 1984.Ruthie comforting a distraught Meg.Another family picture around 1986.A family picture. Poor Ruthie was back working full=time nights as an RN.Ruthie and I at my ordination to the diaconate, Sept 24, 1994.At my Mom and Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary in 1999.In Ireland, Feb 4th, 2000 finally getting the honeymoon she never had. Ruthie insisted on taking the kids. It was a great idea. Left side of the table: Ruthie and Luke. right side of the table: Andy, our daughter-in law, Olivia (they were engaged at the time) , Beth and Meg. We were at a pub in Dublin.My bride in Donegal, Ireland.My lovely family on a river boat floating down the Shannon river, in Ireland.Becoming grandparents.
Luke, Ruth, Beth, and our Great Pyr, FloydRMoose. Right after this picture was taken, we discovered that Floyd had bone cancer in his left rear leg. We had to put this gentle giant down on March 7th, two weeks later.
What was left of my car after getting hit head-on on March 7, 2002. We put Floyd down early in the morning that day, Ruthie and I holding him as he died. I almost got put down that night when that kid hit me headon. This would alter my life quite a bit. That accident initially started with 3 surgeries. It would later lead to 16 more orthopedic surgeries so that the amount of titanium I have in my legs prompted my friend, Fr Kevin Clinton to call me “robo-deacon.”At Beth’s graduation from high school, with Andy, new born grandson, Owen. I was still recovering from the head-on collision suffered in March. I had just had the first of two surgeries trying to restore full use of my right hand. A second surgery would follow that eventually would restore 60% of my hand (the best the surgeon could do considering the damage done), which effectively ended my days as a pianist.Ruthie and our granddaughter Alyssa (Meg’s baby girl). Alyssa was born in March 2002, and Own in May 2002. It was an exciting time!Ruthie, Meg, and Alyssa.Ruthie appearing to doze off as she holds our grandchildren Owen and Alyssa. Ruthie worked the night before/Ruthie at the birth of Aidan. Aidan was almost a leap year baby.
Meg, Ruth, Rose Mary, and Sydney.
Ruthie and our granddaughter, Sydney.
Ruthie and our Valentine Day’s grandson, Oliver.
Beth and Ruth at Meg’s graduation.With Beth at her graduation from college.Ruthie and I at her mom and dad’s St Patrick’s Day party. She still loves me!Ruthie and I at the wedding of Ruthie’s godchild Brandon DuCharme. I had just had a right knee replacement and was struggling getting around. Ruth and I in 2010.
Ruthie and I on our 40th wedding anniversary.
Our wonderful, incredible kids, Luke, Andy, Meg, and Beth.At Beth’s wedding on Jan 6, 2019.At my retirement party in May 2019.
LEARNING HOW TO WALK
I learned to walk in earnest down the aisle of St. Bridget of Sweden, into a new wedded life filled with wonder and love, the many walks of pregnancies, Pitocin drip walks down hospital corridors, during nights with restless infants, and sick children, to parks and baseball diamonds, plays and musicals, concerts and gymnasiums, graduations, weddings, funerals, grandchildren, all of them walks along the spherical path of life. To walk with you is to learn how to love, each measured step, a grace-filled journey to something greater, far beyond and far better than the stumbling steps that I could have made on my own.
To walk with you, is to see the world with different eyes, colors bursting through the greys, warmth on the coldest of days, your voice floating, playing delightfully in the air alongside until the sound settles gently, gracefully in my ears.
We have walked many steps together in life, my gait now not as steady, these days of uncertain limbs, joints and cane. In walking with you, new discoveries never end, new beginnings abound, and that with you, the first and the finest of all teachers, learning to walk is never fully learned.
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Deacon Bob
I am a composer, performer, poet, educator, spiritual director, and permanent deacon of the Catholic Church. I just recently retired after 42 years of full-time ministry in the Catholic Church. I continue to serve in the Church part-time. I have been blessed to be united in marriage to my bride, Ruth, since 1974. I am father to four wonderful adult children, and grandfather to five equally wonderful grandchildren. In my lifetime, I have received a B.A. in Music (UST), M.A. in Pastoral Studies (St. Paul Seminary School of Divinity, UST), Certified Spiritual Director. Ordained to the Permanent Diaconate for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis, in 1991. Composer, musician, author, poet, educator. The Gospels drive my political choices, hence, leading me toward a more liberal, other-centered politics rather than conservative politics. The great commandment of Jesus to love one another as he has loved us, as well as the criteria he gives in Matthew 25 by which we are to be judged at the end of time directs my actions and thoughts.
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