About a week ago, I posted on Facebook that in going through some totes at home, I found some cards that my sister, Mary Ruth, sent me. Below is the message Mary Ruth wrote to Ruthie and I in February of 1988, 9 years before her death. At the time she wrote the card to us, she had almost died during a very long surgery. I remember her telling me that her internist had told her that he wished she had terminal cancer, because her suffering would be less. He told her that she would probably live another 10 years, and those years would be very, very difficult for her. Much of what he said ended up true. I am SO thankful that I have found her card to Ruthie and I.
As you read Mary’s message to Ruthie and I, she states an important truth. In the end, death does not kill a person. The body may die, but the person does not die. It is impossible for Death to sever the bond of love that exists between people. The bond of love we share with others lasts into eternity. When Mary writes that she will be with us in this world or the next, she is speaking the truth. I remember at her Vigil Service, her internist, who was an admitted agnostic, saying to me, that Mary is finally standing tall and healthy, freed from the illness that crippled her life so much. Of that, I am certain.
BACKGROUND
Mary Ruth was sick with Crohn’s disease long before they had a name and a treatment for it. From the time she was 15 years old to her death at 42 years old in 1997, she was in and out of the hospital sometimes 3 or 4 times a year.
She had multiple surgeries gradually cutting out diseased sections of her small intestine and then resectioning the remainder. At the end of her life, the 30 feet of small intestine we all have was reduced to just 3 feet for Mary. The only way she could receive nutrients was through hyperalimentation, a kind of tube feeding that delivers nutrients. The side effect of hyperalimentation is that it robs all the calcium from a person’s bones. At the time of her death, Mary suffered from osteoporosis so severely that she was bent over, and her bones so brittle that coughing would cause her to break a rib.
In spite of her disease and all the many surgeries, Mary Ruth received a B.S. in occupational therapy at the College of St Catherine’s. She was a sought after occupational therapist, specializing in working with those in cardiac care. After her illness forced her to go on disability, she continued to learn, earning a Master’s Degree at the University of St Thomas, and, at the time of her death, working on a Doctorate. In addition to her education, Mary Ruth was an exceptional artist and created a series of greeting cards that were sold in the Roseville area of the Twin Cities.
THE MESSAGE SHE WROTE IN HER CARD
“Dearest Bob and Ruth,
“I want to thank you for being at my side and at the folk’s side during the latest ordeal. You both have always been there for me and I greatly appreciate it.
“The gorgeous music box brought me much comfort during the long and lonely nights. All your visits were great and did much for my psyche.
“Most of all, Bob, I want to thank you for my gorgeous song. As you saw, it brought tears to my eyes. It’s really beautiful and I am touched by the sound and touched because of the love you shared writing it. I’m so very lucky to have 2 songs written by you. You truly have the gift.
“I don’t think I’m worthy of such beauty, but I still thank you from the bottom of my heart.
“I also wanted to thank you for taking the time to talk to me on that most difficult day. It takes a lot of courage for you and the folks to let me control my destiny. The MD’s have told me so many times that I was dying and then I didn’t. Part of me says the fight isn’t worthy it anymore, the other side says your work isn’t finished yet.
“I’ve always hoped and prayed that I could grow up with you and Ruth and the kids. Whether I do or not, spiritually, I’ll always be by your side whether in this world or part of the next. I promise I’ll never leave your sides.
“I love you all so deeply. I can never repay all your kindnesses and love you’ve sent my way but I’ll keep trying.
“Thank you all for your specialness and all your sharing of self.
I’m so proud to say to everyone that you’re my family.
Much, much love, kisses and hugs,
Mary”
I am so thankful this Thanksgiving in rediscovering this message from my sister, Mary. Even though twenty-four Thanksgivings have passed since her death, I miss her as much as I did that first Thanksgiving following her death. As time passes, I find that she was right about being at my side. In some ways, I feel her nearer and more present to me than ever. Happy Thanksgiving Mary Ruth!
