Today is Ruthie’s birthday. I am so in awe and love of this woman, and because of the recovery from my surgery feel so badly because I am unable to celebrate her life in a manner befitting one of her great stature. So, I present here two poems and a song honoring this most wonderful person who has shaped my life so greatly.
INTERLUDE: RUTH 1
A beautiful canvas
decorated with freckles,
eyes of brown,
sparkle with dreams
of a future yet-to-be,
a heart-warming smile
hinting of a giggle
seeking to be expressed,
encompassed by a frame
of full, lush brunette hair.
Cheeks ruddy with joy,
your face flush with compassion
speak of your life then
as it is now.
Were it not the distance
that parted us, even then,
I believe, our hearts
would have been drawn together,
two hearts linked by mystery,
two hearts joined as lovers
join hands,
and simply rejoice in being present.
Oh, what I would give
to eavesdrop on the whispered thoughts
and feelings we might have shared then,
laden with innocence, yet
preternaturally formed by
God’s breath over the waters of time.
Gifted and blessed were all
your eyes beheld at your birth,
how gifted and blessed am I.
© 2014, Robert Charles Wagner. All rights reserved.
This song was composed for Ruthie as a Christmas present in 1990. The songs for Opus 3 were based on the Christmas stories we hear every year. The story I chose for Ruthie was that of the Presentation, when Mary and Joseph brought their child, Jesus, to the Temple to offer sacrifice. It was there where they encountered Simeon and Anna. It was an encounter with divine mystery as Simeon gave praise to God for having his eyes behold the Messiah. He told them that their son would be a sign of contradiction for the world. And, to Mary, as a result of her son’s ministry, a sword of sorrow would pierce her heart. The music reflects the mystery the Holy Family encountered that day. The melody is not as straight forward as in other songs I have composed, but enclosed within the harmonies.
Ruthie has always been a person of mystery for me, and, yes, I would say, a person of Divine Mystery for me. One thing I have said consistently from the time we were dating is that there is the mystery of the Trinity and the mystery of Ruthie, two mysteries which I will never fully understand. The one thing about a mystery is that I find myself always surprised.
The poem, “Learning How To Walk” is a poem I wrote in 2015. The poem uses the physical act of walking as a metaphor about a journey helping me to find meaning in my life. It is true that the years before I met Ruthie were one of self-discovery. However, it has been in my 50 year old relationship with Ruthie (counting our years dating), that I have truly discovered who I am. She has allowed me to grow as a man in so many ways, and, I will never forget it. I will be forever a student at her feet, learning from this great teacher of love.
LEARNING HOW TO WALK
When did I learn to walk?
The awkward stance,
a toddler’s uncertain step,
stumbling, falling,
getting up again until
rhythm of feet and
balance work in sequence,
was that when I learned
to walk? No.
When did I learn to walk?
Kindergarten marches,
a military parade of sorts
around a classroom,
rhythm band instruments
in hand, banging on toy
cymbals and drums
to the measured beat
of feet and blare of
prerecorded sound? No.
When did I learn to walk?
Was it the long hours
in marching band
practicing routines,
memorizing music,
and the beating of feet
on hot pavement along
humid parade routes on
July mornings in hot
woolen uniforms? No.
When did I begin
to learn to walk?
From the moment
I held your hand, strolling
by the Strand Theater
on the sidewalks of St.
Paul, along the shores
of Lake Como on
Spring and Summer nights,
through Rosedale, your
hand in mine as we looked
at engagement rings
in jewelry store windows
and dreamed dreams.
I learned to walk
in earnest down
the aisle of
St. Bridget of Sweden,
into a new wedded
life filled with
wonder and love,
the many walks of
pregnancies, Pitocin
drip walks down
hospital corridors,
during nights with
restless infants, and
sick children, to
parks and baseball
diamonds, plays
and musicals, concerts
and gymnasiums,
graduations, weddings,
funerals, grandchildren,
all of them walks
along the spherical
path of life.
To walk with you is
to learn how to love,
each measured step,
a grace-filled journey
to something greater,
far beyond and far better
than the stumbling steps
that I could have
made on my own.
To walk with you,
is to see the
world with different
eyes, colors bursting
through the greys,
warmth on the
coldest of days, your
voice floating, playing
delightfully in the air
alongside until the
sound settles gently,
gracefully in my ears.
We have walked many
steps together in life,
my gait now not as steady,
these days of uncertain
limbs, joints and cane.
In walking with you,
new discoveries never
end, new beginnings
abound, and that
with you, the first
and the finest of
all teachers, learning
to walk is never
fully learned.
© 2015, Robert Charles Wagner. All rights reserved.
