Entrusting ourselves to God: A reflection on the gospel of the 3rd Sunday of Easter

Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger,
you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted;
but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands,
and someone else will dress you
and lead you where you do not want to go.”
He said this signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God.
And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me.” (John 21:18-19)

These words of Jesus to Peter in the Gospel this weekend spoke volumes to me as I reflected on my 42 years of church ministry. In many ways, doing church ministry often required me to go where I never intended on going, and doing ministry I never thought I would ever do. I expressed this in the following bulletin article announcing my retirement from active ministry on June 30^th this year.

“On August 31, 1977, I began ministry in the Archdiocese of St Paul and Minneapolis at St Wenceslaus. Mondays through Fridays I taught K-8 music, and Saturdays and Sundays I led the music for all the liturgies. God moves in mysterious ways, and he took me with him on the journey. As I reflected over these 42 years, much has happened in my life. I graduated with a Masters Degree in Pastoral Studies (St Paul Seminary, 1989). I was ordained a permanent deacon (September, 1994). I studied and became a certified spiritual director (2005), did Spanish immersion (summer, 2006). I have served in small town/rural churches, large suburban parishes, and urban parishes. I was assigned the parish life administrator in an inner city pastor-less parish in South Minneapolis. I have baptized many babies, witnessed many marriages, and have done many funerals and burials in both English and Spanish. I have ministered to many in prison, ate with and provided assistance and spiritual support to the homeless, to families of the gay community, to many Mexican and Ecuadorian families, to former felons, to families who have experienced divorce and suicide, and to women and children who have been physically, sexually and emotionally abused, and, they, in turn, have ministered to me. I have been the liturgist and liturgical musician for major bishops’ meetings and regional and national conferences, and formed a wonderful friendship with a future saint, Sr Theo Bowman (presently in the process of canonization). I have served on Archdiocesan commissions and led the Archdiocesan Deacon Council. God has a way of leading us to places we would otherwise not go and doing things we would otherwise not do. Little did I know in 1977, the adventures, the joys, the wonders, the sorrows, the frustrations, the disappointments, and the tragedies I would experience in ministry. Now, after much soul searching and consultation with my family, my spiritual director, and our pastor, Fr Kevin, I made the hard decision to retire this past Holy Thursday. At the 7pm celebration of the Lord’s Passion at St Wenceslaus, all the experiences, feelings, and burdens of church ministry of the past 42 years I laid at the foot of the cross of Jesus as I venerated the cross. On his 60th birthday, Fr Henri Nouwen observed that the number of years he had left to live were far fewer than the years he had lived. A new chapter in my life will begin on July 1, 2019 in which I will come to know what other surprises God has planned for me.”

A life of following Jesus is one of surrendering yourself to God. I remember my dad asking me after the first 4 years of church ministry, “When are you going to get yourself a real job?” It was not a criticism on the part of my dad. He was worried that Ruth, our two kids and I were living below the poverty line, requiring us to sell our jewelry and get food stamps to get by week to week. Churches are notorious for not paying a living wage. When our fourth child was born, Ruth had to go back to work as nurse in order for us to make ends meet. Even when things were economically bleak, we trusted in God to help us get by, to find me scholarships to pay for graduate school, to provide me a car when the old beaters I drove died on bitterly cold Minnesotan nights in winter.

At one time or another in our lives, we will be required to be like Peter and the other disciples and let God lead us where we are needed the most. And, so,  as I enter into retirement I think of Jesus’ last words in the Passion of Luke, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” This is more than just a sentiment for those of us who are Christian, it is a way of life.