I just received word that my friend, Barb Ciresi, died on New Year’s Eve. Barb is 75 years old. Barb is married to my ordination classmate, Deacon Jerry Ciresi. Barb has been suffering from advanced dementia for the last several years. Sharp, with wonderful insight, a great sense of humor tinged with a wee bit of cynicism (the product of working with doctors, the medical system, and being married to a deacon and indirectly the Church) Barb could be counted on to cut to the chase and give a well thought out, measured critique on many topics, including faith. Her wake will be on Sunday, and her funeral at Assumption, downtown St Paul, at 10 am on Monday. Below is my message to my good friend and Church comrade in arms, Jerry Ciresi.
Jerry and family,
Ruth and I cannot begin to express the great sorrow we are feeling at the news of Barb’s death. As one married to a wonderful woman (who like Barb is also a nurse), I know that my life revolves around my wife who is the sun of my galaxy. I joke about living in a benevolent matriarchy, however, truth be told, I see myself as a student learning lessons of how to love from Ruth. While you have not expressed your relationship to Barb in those words, Jerry, I know that she is the one person upon which you have centered your life, and there are no words that can begin to express the emptiness you are feeling right now. This is a time in which an honest conversation with God begins with the question, “Just what the hell are you doing to me?” Pious platitudes and religious sentimentality come up so empty, so meaningless. “God has a plan” some might say. Raw emotional grief will echo back that we know where God can stick that plan. I am sure that there were times when Jesus muttered, “Now what!?” to God the Father. As a person of faith, I walk with you my friend, dumbstruck, grief stricken, and pondering another encounter with the eternal Mystery, trusting, hoping that I might be given a brief glimmer of understanding. Ruth and I regret not being at Barb’s wake on Sunday because our daughter, Beth, is getting married at approximately the same time. However, I will be at Assumption to celebrate Barb’s life with us and Barb’s life with God on Monday morning.
