Category: Uncategorized

My daughter, Meg’s birthday is coming up on April 6th. I am posting this early because I will be in Chicago officiating at my brother, Bill’s funeral that day.

Meggie is my third child. From the time she was born, she was strong, independent, smart as a whip, and compassionate. Ruthie’s pregnancies were largely uneventful, but it was when she gave birth to our children that things got complicated. The night before Meg’s birth, Ruth started to hemorrhage. We got her to the hospital and discovered that Meg was a partial placenta previa. We didn’t know whether Ruth would have an emergency c-section or not. Our doctor was on the phone throughout the night with a specialist from Children’s Hospital. It was a very long night and fortunately Meg was delivered safely late afternoon, April 6th.

The one quality of Meg that I have always felt present in her is compassion. I remember Meg, about 4 years old, sitting on my lap and watching the Disney cartoon movie, Dumbo. When it got to the part of the movie where Dumbo’s mother is imprisoned in a cage, and baby Dumbo is mourning the loss of his mother. Dumbo’s mother sings the song, “Baby, Now Don’t You Cry.” Poor Meg. She buried her face in my shoulder and sobbed her heart out. Of course, as we know, things eventually get better for Dumbo and for his mother in the movie. However, to this very day, I still tear up whenever I think of that one moment Meggie and I shared.

 In high school, Meg sang in the regional competitions, I was so honored that the song she sang for the judges was the one I composed for my ordination, “Abba, Yeshua, Ruah.” I also had the honor of  accompanying her on the piano. As I recall, Meg received an “excellent” score for her singing.

In some ways, Meg and I are very similar. We have a similar sense of humor (a wee bit twisted), cynicism, joints (Meg and I both have what my Aunt Mary Jernstrom refers to as the “Swedish” joints), heart problems (we both have had ablations for aventricular taca cardia), and so on. Meg keeps observing what is happening to me physically so that she can ward off some of the effects of the negative genes she inherited from me. However, Meg possesses many of Ruth’s wonderful qualities, and those are so numerous they are hard to list.

In 2016, I decided that on my birthday I was going to gift each of my children with a song. Below is the song I composed for Meg. Surprisingly, the composing went very quickly and smoothly except for the Coda (the ending) of the songs. I spent 6 hours over two days composing that Coda. I must have tossed out 8 different endings before I finally got the Coda I wanted. Here is the song for you my beautiful Meg. Your compassionate heart, your wry and raunchy sense of humor, and your dedication to those you love and serve, this song was well worth all the work. (And, incidentally, Meg, with some practice, you will be able to play this.)

This week, in our Lenten journey, we are called by Jesus to reflect on “forgiveness.” Forgiveness is one of Jesus’ central themes. In the gospels, we hear Jesus tell the apostles that they must forgive not just 7 times, but 7 times 70 times. In the numerology of the Jesus’ culture, 7 times 70 means that  the forgiveness we extend to others must be “infinite” in number. In the parable of the Prodigal Son, we are given 3 different approaches to forgiveness: 1) The unconditional forgiveness of the Father toward his sinful son, 2) The prodigal son’s belief that he is unable to be forgiven, and, 3) the self-righteous brother’s resentment and refusal to forgive his sinful brother.  Which one of these do we model in our own lives?

Let’s start with the behavior of the self-righteous brother.  It is very hard to forgive others who have hurt us unjustly. It is documented that Ann Landers and  Abigail Van Buren, sisters by blood, and authors of self-help newspaper columns, were angry and bitter to each other the entirety of their lives. The forgiveness they advised others to practice, they were incapable of doing themselves. The refusal to forgive can consume our lives and rob us of any happiness. Do we really want to live the bitterness the self-righteous brother feels toward his prodigal brother?

Unless we are narcissists, we all have done something which fills us with regret. It may be something cruel we have said or done to another person. In learning how badly we have hurt another person, the punishment we inflict upon ourselves spiritually and emotionally, can often exceed that of the hurt we caused. We believe that the hurt we caused can never be forgiven. This is what we see in the behavior of the prodigal brother. Is it a life of despair we want to live?

Finally, we come to the unconditional love and forgiveness of the Father. The Father is not chained to the bitterness and anger of the self-righteous brother nor the despair of unforgiveness felt by the prodigal brother.   There is only joy and love that is felt by the Father and extended to both. We can choose  lives chained to anger and bitterness, chained to the despair of ever being forgiven, or living the life of God’s unconditional love and forgiveness. In which will we experience the most happiness?

I received some sad news from my cousin, Kathy, a couple of weeks ago. Buster, the pride and joy of my cousin, Cheryl, died suddenly. Cheryl loved her Buster. I remember when visiting Cheryl, seeing Cheryl prepare a royal feast of steak and other fine food for Buster, and hand feeding Buster the food. Buster, as you can see from the photograph, was a French poodle and was very fussy about what he would eat. Given his French lineage, and the notoriety surrounding French cuisine, this might explain his dietary fussiness. Tragically, Cheryl died in January of 2018, and, since her death, Buster has been living with my cousin, Kathy and her husband, Frank.

It is a phenomena that when two people live long lives together, when one of them dies, the other often dies in the 18 months following. I think, perhaps, this might be the case with Buster. He missed his momma so much, that he wanted to join her in heaven.

People often wonder whether we will be reunited with our beloved pets when we die. There are some hard nose theologians who are appalled at the idea of animals sharing heaven with humanity. The idea of animals having souls is an aberration, a sin against the law of God. I disagree strongly with this sentiment. The idea of not being reunited with our Great Pyrs, Floydrmoose and Henri is an aberration to me. And, I am not the only one who thinks that our beloved pets possess souls. Even John Paul II believed that because all animals were created by the breath of God, they possess souls. Pope Francis I wrote in his encyclical, “Laudato Si”, ” Eternal life will be a shared experience of awe, in which each creature, resplendently transfigured, will take its rightful place and have something to give those poor men and women who will have been liberated once and for all.”

For those of us who look at our animals as pets, rather than as a commodity, we experience their personalities, their emotional palate, their joys and their woes. Our relationships with our animals challenge our self-notion of superiority. For those of us who have dogs in our homes, what better way is it to experience unconditional love then when we come home? I am generally greeted by our current dog, Belle E Button, a Boxerdore (boxer/labrador mix), with great enthusiasm and her favorite bone.

I plan on being cremated when I die. I was joking with our local funeral director that if one of my kids mixed the cremains of my Great Pyr, Henri, with my cremains, would I arise on the Last Day looking like the character, Barf, the Mog (part man, part dog) that John Candy played in Mel Brook’s movie, “Space Balls”? But I digress …

In memory of my cousin Cheryl, and her beloved companion, Buster, I composed this music. My cousins, Cheryl and Kathy are half Polish (my dad was their uncle). To honor the Polish blood that runs in our family, I decided to compose the music as a Mazurka, a Polish dance in 3/4. The Polish composer, Chopin, was very fond of Mazurkas, and composed many of them. Now you might note that Buster was not Polish, but French. To that I would say, though Chopin was Polish, he spent most of his professional life in France and is buried there.

Here is the music for Cheryl and Buster.

I composed this Psalm Offering as an ordination present in the summer of 1994 for John Mangan. John was the only bachelor of my class. John was a simple man deeply devoted to his Catholic faith. A naval veteran, he spent time ministering to veterans of our armed forces at the State of Minnesota Veterans Home in South Minneapolis. John later became a resident of that same Veterans Home and continued to  minister to his fellow residents. John had the distinction of being aboard one of the naval vessels that blockaded Cuba during the Cuban Missile Crisis in the early ‘60’s. For those of us alive at the time, we came very, very close to a nuclear war with the Soviet Union at that time. John died at the Minnesota State Veterans Home on March 13^th, 2017.

When John officially retired as a deacon at the age of 75 years (we all submit our resignation to the Archbishop at that age), they had a big party for him at the State Veterans Home in Minneapolis. John was very ill and confined to a wheel chair. Its amazing how one life can impact the lives of so many people. The large room in which the celebration was held was filled to capacity with all the folks paying tribute to John. My daughter, Meg, a nurses aid, and my wife, Ruth, an RN took care of John the many years he was a resident at the State Vets home. John died in March following his big retirement party.

The music is in three parts, composed in the key of C major. Melody A stated very quietly acts almost as an introduction to Melody B, the main melody of the Psalm Offering. Melody A returns to conclude the music.

A reminder that all my music is downloadable from CD Baby, iTunes, and Amazon. It can also be listened to on YouTube and Spotify.

As difficult as February is with the death of three of my diaconal family, March is equally difficult with the death of two of my diaconal family.

This Psalm Offering was composed as an ordination present for Dominic and Helen Ehrmantraut. Dominic and Helen were very good people. Helen’s demeanor or perhaps the way she prayed reminded me of my mother.  Dominic and Helen were totally devoted to one another. They prayed together, and worked hard as they raised a large family. They had all the concerns and troubles that most families had. Dominic has a gentle way about him. While he was not afraid to confront someone, he always did it quietly and in a very respectful way. These two people were very much bone of one bone and flesh of one flesh. Helen died on May 27^th, 2005. It is the only funeral of our classmates that Ruthie and I did not attend for the reason that we didn’t know about Helen’s death until six months following her funeral. Both Ruthie and I were devastated by the news and the fact that we were not there for Dominic. After having lost contact with Dom for a number of years, we found he was in a nursing home. He died on March 9^th, 2017. I will always remember Dominic and Helen as loving and caring people. I recall that Dominic used to make and serve a very potent cherry liqueur.

This Psalm Offering is written in the key of C major. It is in 3 part, ABA form. Of all the melodies in Opus 5, melody A is the one that has many characteristics of an Irish melody. Melody A is stated gently and quietly. It segues to melody B, which is at a quicker tempo, borrowing and building on a motif from melody A. Melody A returns to conclude the music. Though Dominic and Helen were as German as can be, the melody has an Irish Air quality about it, hence the title of the song.

Just a reminder that all my music is downloadable from CD Baby, iTunes, and Amazon. It can also be heard on YouTube and Spotify.

I composed this Psalm Offering for Bill and Mary Beckfeld as an ordination present, the summer of 1994. Bill was a tall, large man, outspoken, smart, compassionate, and, at the same time stubborn and bullheaded. Mary is a short, compassionate, smart, and equally outspoken, who knew she had her, at times, stubborn and bullheaded husband wrapped around her little finger.  Bill knew it, too, and often referred to himself as “Mr. Mary Beckfeld.” Both Bill and Mary, like Ruthie and myself, have a strong leaning toward progressive politics and ecclesiology. Bill and Mary had a large family. Their youngest son, who was developmentally disabled, died early in life. Bill had a great love for those who are developmentally disabled and originally thought he might spend his life as a deacon ministering to that community. Bill and Mary also had a son, Joe, who was Gay. As their life became transformed by his coming out, Bill and Mary started to minister more to the LGBTQ community and were advocates for that community. Bill was the first member of my diaconal class to die. He suffered an aneurism while assisting as a deacon at a funeral Mass, and died a couple of days later on February 27^th, 2001. I put together the Vigil prayer for his wake. Bill and I use to joke about which one of us would have our diaconal faculties pulled first by the Archbishop. I miss my diaconal brother, Bill, greatly. From time to time, Ruthie, Mary and I get together.

This Psalm Offering is written in the key of C major. Melody A has a joyful, playfulness to it, the tempo only moderate in speed. Melody B continues the same playfulness but in the relative key of A minor. The music segues back into C major with the A melody being treated at first in a fugal fashion before finally ending in a slower, grander restatement of the melody. Bill asked me to play this Psalm Offering as a post-communion meditation at his Mass of Thanksgiving. I was able to get away from my music duties that Sunday at St. Hubert to fulfill his wish.

Note: You can download all my music from CD Baby, iTunes, and Amazon. You can also find it on YouTube and Spotify.

I wrote this Psalm Offering for By and Ellen Rudolphi. By, by profession, was a dentist, and Ellen, a homemaker. These two people complimented each other so very well. Throughout formation, Ellen was struggling with cancer and the gentle and attentive care that By extended to her was remarkable for all of us to see. With the seriousness of Ellen’s health, we often wondered whether she would live through formation. Ellen has a strong will to live and nothing was going to prevent her from seeing her husband ordained. As it turned out, Ellen, though elderly and frail, is still living cared for by two of her sons. By died on February 3^rd, 2013.

About this music, I had accompanied a group of teenagers from St. Hubert’s to a summer retreat. While they were busy involved in a number of activities, I found a room with a piano and began to write this Psalm Offering in a little music notebook I had. This Psalm Offering written in the key of C major begins with melody A stated quietly and gently, supported by chords in the left hand. The music segues into melody B which is louder and faster. Melody A returns at the original tempo loudly and majestically to conclude the music.

All my music is downloadable from CD Baby, iTunes, and Amazon. You can also find my music on YouTube.

The month of February is both a joyful month, with 3 of my grandchildren born during the month, and a month filled with sadness, 3 of my diaconal family dying during the month.

I composed this Psalm Offering as an ordination gift to Tom and Marge Semlak. Tom and Marge met at 3M. Tom working as a custodian, as I recall, and Marge an executive secretary. Tom was a strong, Polish Catholic, very orthodox in the way he lived his faith, a strict, by the rules man but at the same time a very loving man. Tom loved his kids and devoted himself to them, but as in most cases, Marge is the heart of the family. Tom has had his share of health difficulties throughout the years stemming largely from diabetes. In recent years, Marge’s health has also suffered. Tom passed away on the feast of the Immaculate Conception 2015. Marge died a little over 2 years later on February 1, 2018.

The finest of all educators, a gifted choral conductor, music historian, actor and performer, mentor, and, most of all, one of my best friends, Dr Maurice A Jones, or Maurie as he like to be called, died on Holy Thursday, March 27, 1986, 33 years ago. His death left a huge scar in my heart. Everyone whose life he touched, loved him. I sang in the Chorale, a mixed choir made of St Thomas and St Kate’s undergrads under his direction.

One of my fondest memories of Maurie was the rehearsal following our Christmas concerts. We would gather in the rehearsal hall. He would have hot chocolate and candy canes for us. He sat on his director’s chair as we sat on the floor around him like little children as he did a dramatic reading of Dicken’s Christmas Carol. We sat enthralled as we ate our lunch and sipped our hot chocolate.

Maurie died of AIDS at about the time the disease reached pandemic numbers. Many church choir directors, some of whom were good friends of mine, also died from the illness. The University of St Catherine covered up the cause of Maurie’s death, attributing it to Legionaire’s Disease, but the entire music community of the Twin Cities were well aware of what killed Maurie. I lost some respect for St Kate’s for that.

Well aware that Maurie was sick, I composed this piano Psalm Offering for him. I recorded it on a cassette tape and sent it to his significant other. I am not sure or not whether Maurie ever had a chance to listen to it. I was told that he did.

There are certain people in my life to whom I hold my self accountable. on the top of the list is my bride, Ruth, my father and my mother, my children, and Dr Maurice A Jones. I hope to enjoy his company again. I would ask him if I reached the potential as a musician and as a choral director that he saw in me as a young musician and choral director. He would probably turn my question around on me and ask me if I think I reached my full potential … just like Maurie. Truthfully, do we ever reach our full potential or is it always just beyond our grasp?

I look forward to that day when we talk again.

This article was written for the Knight of Columbus newsletter, hence, the Catholic influence within it. However, I think it can apply to the faith traditions of many religions.

“Thy will be done” … let’s look at our prayer life. We will all acknowledge that it is important to pray. However, is the intent of our prayer to force, to coerce God to bend to our will, or, is our intent to  open our lives up to God’s will? The pagan way of praying was to offer sacrifice to make the gods do the will of the one making the sacrifice. We can look at what the pagans did and criticize them, however, are we not guilty of the same? When we are very sick or undergoing some great trauma in our lives, do we not bargain with God to fulfill a favorable outcome in our lives by promising to pray or change our lives in some way? For example, it is a good thing to pray a novena. However, in praying a novena are we trying to bend God’s will to our own? The devotion to the Sacred Heart requires us to pray the rosary everyday and to receive communion on the first Friday of each month. If we do this, according to the St Margaret Mary Alocque, we will be assured of going to heaven at our death. Logically, if we are praying the rosary every day and receiving holy communion on the first Friday of every month, the likelihood of us murdering someone, robbing a bank, or committing some other mortal sin that might rob of us eternal life in heaven is very slim.

This is why the Lord’s Prayer is the most perfect of prayers. For what are we praying? It’s very simple, that God’s will be paramount in our lives, period! We see this modeled for us by Jesus in his agony in the garden when he prays to the Father to relieve him of the passion and execution that awaits him the next day. However, Jesus concludes the prayer by saying, “not my will but Your will be done.” As we pray, it is fine to ask God for that which we need, but let us always conclude our prayer with that of Jesus, “not my will but Your will be done.”