Just a brief note …

I am never too sure as to how many folks look at this blog or not. While I hope that it gets read or listened to, as in the case of the music, were it followed only by a couple of folks that would be just fine.

I am having my right knee replaced tomorrow, which, along with recovery and therapy may either give me a lot of time to post things, or may not. If it is the latter, I ask you to be patient. If it is the former, well, I guess that unless I get really obnoxious there won’t be any problem.

Peace,

Bob Wagner

Knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door – a homily for the 21st Sunday in Ordinary Time

HOMILY FOR THE 21ST SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME, YEAR C

It is a human tendency to want to exclude those with whom we find disagreement. It grates us to be inclusive of people whose thinking, beliefs, culture or lifestyle differs from our own. Sadly, this human trait has perpetuated like a bad genetic strain from one human generation to the next. In today’s Gospel, Jesus says, “Enough is enough! This thinking of exclusion must end.”

Those Jewish people of Jesus’ time who believed in an afterlife, believed that only the Jewish people would have eternal salvation. Jesus tells them, “Don’t get too cocky.” The net of God’s love and mercy is thrown far wider than the Jewish faith, so much so, that it will be those they exclude who will be the first to enter heaven, long before the Jewish people. God’s infinite mercy and love is far greater than our own feeble-minded , finite human concepts of mercy and love. However, this is only a part of the gospel lesson today. The real lesson lies in this very striking passage from the gospel.

Jesus tells the people that they will come knocking on God’s door saying, “Lord, open the door for us.” God will look at them and reply, “Go away, I do not know where you are from.” Then the people will say, “We ate and drank in your company and you taught us.” Then God will say, “I do not know who you are and where you are from. Depart from me all you evil doers!” When we encounter God face to face, will God know who we are? Rather than waste our time deciding who or who will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven, a decision that is not ours to make, the real question is when we knock on God’s door, will we be able to enter the Kingdom of heaven?

About this time in 2004, I was comfortably serving as a deacon a large southwestern suburban parish, when I received a call from the Office of the Archbishop that Archbishop Flynn assigned me to be the parish life administrator of St. Stephen’s in South Minneapolis. While most parishes in the Archdiocese are for the most part mainstream Catholic parishes, both Archbishop Roach and Archbishop Flynn believed all Catholics must have a spiritual home. So there was established specialty parishes for those Catholics who were more rigidly orthodox in their faith and parishes for those Catholics who were by and large unorthodox in their faith. St. Stephen’s was counted among the latter.

The parish mission statement of St. Stephen’s at that time was that the parish was a spiritual circus tent under which all were welcome. No one was excluded from the parish. The parish was diversely made up of homeless people, the developmentally disabled, gays and lesbians, ex-priests, ex-nuns, ex-offenders, prostitutes, hurting Catholics who were either on their way out of the Catholic Church or reentering the Catholic Church after having been away from the faith for a long time, and the disenfranchised of some mainstream Protestant denominations. I am now beginning my 40th year in church ministry and St. Stephen’s was, by and large, one of the most challenging, perplexing, fascinating, frustrating, and at the same time most rewarding of my parish assignments. The parish was no paradise, no parish ever is, and there were times at the end of the week when I would sometimes sigh and say, “I think we are still Catholic.”

I remember one Sunday after Mass, a man telling me his story. He was gay. He grew up in a large, strict Irish Catholic family. He was educated as a Catholic from time he was in first grade till he graduated from college. He told me tried to heterosexualize himself for many years, dating girls, and even getting married, trying to fight his sexual orientation. However, he could not live a lie. Overwhelmed with tremendous guilt, he fell into a deep, dark depression and despaired to the point of dying by suicide, when he walked into the doors of St. Stephen.  Within this very diverse community of faith he encountered Jesus, who loved him and accepted him as he was, a gay man. He said that this parish saved his life. This man, whose soul had been torn spiritually and emotionally asunder for so many years, finally found peace within himself and with God. He knocked on God’s door and God knew who he was, welcomed him and bid him enter.

Who will be admitted or not be admitted to heaven is a choice that belongs only to God. Would we not best spend the time that we have becoming spiritually the person God created us to be? This requires us to honestly discern and accept who we truly are. Have we grown authentically into the person God created us to be or are we living a lie?

This kind of discerning is like standing in front of a spiritual mirror and one by one removing all the illusions, delusions, and deceptions in which we have been clothed until we stand spiritually naked. To see ourselves as we truly are in that mirror is an unpleasant and shocking experience. It is only when we have spiritually stripped ourselves and clothed ourselves only in humility, that we are prepared to knock on the door of God. And, as we knock upon the door of God, be equally grateful that the mercy and love that God extends to others is there for us, too!

Music for my daughter, Beth.

beth 2

PSALM OFFERING 8 Opus 6

I dedicate this Psalm Offering to my youngest daughter, Beth. Intelligent, articulate, dedicated to serving others, and fearless, Beth reminds me most of my sister, Mary Ruth. Though she is close to receiving her Bachelor Degree in Psychology, music has been central in her life. From the time she was very little, she had a way of setting everything to music, including her song for Ruthie, “Mommie, good girl!” Early in the morning before school, she and Meg would sing and sing, knowing full well it would irritate the hell out of her brother Luke. I remember her singing Gershwin’s aria, “Summertime” from the opera, Porgy and Bess, at her high school senior choir concert. Dressed in a long black gown, standing alone in front of the curtain, the audience was spellbound as she sang that beautiful song. I just sat there, a big smile on my face, as tears streamed from my eyes. Oh, how proud I was of her!

This Psalm Offering originated in a musical sketch I initially composed as a setting for Psalm 45. It is composed in simple three-part form. Both the A and B melodies are what I would describe as sweeping, dramatic melodies moving over a range of two octaves. The song has the quality of an operatic aria. Perhaps, that is why it seems so appropriate for Beth (and, in case you might be thinking it, Beth, I am not calling you a Diva). Love you, beautiful girl!

Music for my daughter, Meg.

Meg and AlyssaPsalm Offering 10, Opus 6

This Psalm Offering is dedicated to my oldest daughter, Meg. The one quality of Meg that I have always felt present in her is compassion. I remember Meg, about 4 years old, sitting on my lap and watching the Disney cartoon movie, Dumbo. When it got to the part of the movie where Dumbo’s mother is imprisoned in a cage, and baby Dumbo is mourning the loss of his mother. Dumbo’s mother sings the song, “Baby, Now Don’t You Cry.” Poor Meg. She buried her face in my shoulder and sobbed her heart out. Of course, as we know, things eventually get better for Dumbo and for his mother in the movie. However, to this very day, tears well up whenever I think of that one moment Meggie and I shared.

In high school, Meg sang in the regional competitions, I was so honored that the song she sang for the judges was the one I composed for my ordination, “Abba, Yeshua, Ruah.” I also had the honor of  accompanying her on the piano. As I recall, Meg received an “excellent” score for her singing.

This Psalm Offering is in simple three part, ABA form. The A and B melodies are simply stated at the beginning and then as they are repeated get more and more elaborate. Stylistically, the song is different from the preceeding songs of this Opus. I don’t know if it is the use of major seventh chords, which in some ways lends a slight air of mystery to the melody. Some of the compositions of this Opus seem to flow easily onto the staff, and others, like this Psalm Offering took some time to create. I must have spent close to 4 hours on the last 15 measures of this Psalm Offering, composing, erasing, composing again, and erasing again, over and over until I finally arrived at what was finally written. To my beautiful Meg, her compassionate heart, her wry and raunchy sense of humor, and her dedication to those she loves and serves, this song was well worth all the work. (And, incidentally, Meg, with a little practice you will be able to play this.)

Music for my son, Luke.

luke and oliver 2, 2010

PSALM OFFERING 9 Opus 6

I dedicate this Psalm Offering to my son, Luke. Of all our children, Luke has had to face the most challenges in life. Born with a visual disability and Aspergers, Luke has never allowed himself to be limited by these challenges, whether it be learning to ride a bicycle, or graduating from Vocational School with a degree as an audio studio technician. Luke is an excellent musician, his specialty being the guitar. His musical skills are extraordinary whether it be playing Hendrix or Page or Clapton. While he rarely plays for an audience, Ruthie and I have had the joy of listening as Luke performs in his room. When I feel in need of courage, I look to Luke, whose life is a source of courage for me.

The music for this Psalm Offering is modeled off of that of the late Renaissance Period dance form called a Courante. The Courante was a dance in triple meter and was played at a fast tempo. The literal translation of Courante is “running.” The Renaissance Courante was described as a fast, jumping style of dancing. In the Baroque Period, the French Courante was a slow, stately dance of the Royal Court. However, the Italians preferred it to be considerably faster in tempo.

The music is composed in a strong, fast tempo in triple meter (3/4 time) and is in three-part, A,B,A form. Though the variations of melody A and B change from dotted rhythm to triplets, to running 16th note arpeggios, the strong feeling of three beats is maintained throughout the music. The music has a joyful lift to it, much the same as the joyful lift Luke has given to me in life.

Music for my daughter (in-law), Olivia

Olivia and Oliver 2

Psalm Offering 12 Opus 6

This Psalm Offering, the last of Opus 6, is dedicated to my daughter (in-law), Olivia. Unlike our other four children, who entered into my life through Ruthie’s womb, Olivia entered my life in loving Andy. I could see immediately why Andy was so incredibly in love with her. Beautiful in heart as well as appearance, Olivia makes an instant impact on all who know her. She is remarkable in all that she does, and her compassion and love for her family and others is evident in her every action. Artistic does not quite do her justice as a photographer. She is able to take the cheapest throw away camera, and take pictures that leave me spellbound. Now that her own father has passed away, I am honored to be her adopted father.

As with Psalm Offering 7, the music for Olivia’s Psalm Offering initially was composed as a hymn melody. Like much of the music from that time in the late 1980’s, the melody lay unused in that plastic storage bin waiting to become something grander than just notes on a sheet of paper. There is an Irish influence integrated into the melody line. It is all the more apropos for Olivia. While her ancestry is Filipino, she was a major participant in our big family trip to Ireland in 2000 (commemorating Ruth’s and my 25th wedding anniversary). She, along with Meg and Beth, did kiss the Blarney Stone, and I think that the Irish magic that is part of that ritual assimilated in ways mysterious with her Filipino DNA. The musical form of the song is Variations on a Theme. The theme is simply stated at the very beginning, then with each restatement, the theme undergoes a variety of changes. There are times when the melody is augmented (lengthened) and other times it is diminished (shortened). Changes in the tonic key, rhythm, harmonic rhythm and accompaniment keeps it melodically interesting. Overall, there are 9 variations of the initial theme before it arrives at the Coda. I chose this musical form to reflect the wonderful multi-faceted qualities of the person to whom it is dedicated.

Music for my son, Andy.

theboys2Psalm Offering 11 Opus 6

This Psalm Offering is dedicated to my oldest son, Andy. He is a man of integrity, and honesty. There are many qualities which Andy possesses too many to list. Those that stand out are intelligence, a skillful builder, and an artist in his trade. However, his greatest quality is his love and dedication to his beloved, Olivia, and their children. He has taught me more as a son than I will ever teach him as his father. He began to teach me the moment he was born. The doctor directed me to leave Ruth’s side (“you’re not going to be of any help to her, you know…”) and to stand behind him as she gave birth. As I stood directly behind the doctor, I saw Andy emerge from his mother’s body. I was dumbstruck with awe at the sacredness of his birth. The presence of God was so strong in that delivery room. From that moment on, I began to learn, with Andy as my teacher, the lessons of being a father. Blessed with four children, they are my professors in life, each an expert in their own particular way. However, Andy remains significant as the first of the four teachers.

The music was first conceived as a setting of the great Canticle from Paul’s letter to the Philippians. As with many of these early settings of musical ideas, not much ever came of it until now. The tempo of the song is Presto con moto, literally “fast, with great movement.” From the very first notes, the tempo never variates in speed, but remains constant to the very last chord. The song is in simple 3 part, ABA, form, with variations on those two melodies every time they are restated. There is nothing subtle in this song, the melody strongly punctuated with syncopation, heavily articulated with accents, staccato, and both. If there is a metaphor for this music, it is like musical fireworks, flashes of accentuated melody, followed by booming chords. Perhaps this metaphor is all the more appropriated since I was busy composing this over the fourth of July weekend. The joy that permeates this music is only an indication of how joyful Andy has made my life.

I have come to sow division on the earth. What happened to peace and good will? – a homily for the 20th Sunday in Ordinary Time

sim5var36Did we hear Jesus correctly in the Gospel? Jesus tells the people, “Do you think that I have come to establish peace on the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.” I remember at Christmas, the angels singing, “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to people of good will!” Jesus’ birth was to bring peace to a humanity afflicted with illness, pestilence, hatred and violence. Yet today, Jesus is saying that it is not peace he is to establish on earth but division. How does this make any sense?

In our second reading, the author of the letter to the Hebrews writes that human division is a product of Sin. If we are to find peace of which the angels sang, our eyes must be constantly focused on Jesus, who is the leader and the perfecter of our faith. Division, calamity, and destruction that we experience in the world is the result of human eyes focused not on Jesus, but focused on ourselves.

My dad grew up in the mountains of western Pennsylvania and he was fond of telling a story about two women who grew up in those mountains. The women were unmarried, sisters, living together, and  faithful members of their Baptist church. They read the Bible daily. However the two women also had a weakness for  chewing tobacco. Sundays always found them in the front pew of their little church. One Sunday, there was a visiting minister who gave one of those fire and brimstone sermons on the evils afflicting humanity. He preached vehemently about the sin of dancing. The one sister remarked to the other, “Oh, he is a fine preacher.” “Amen to Jesus!” the other sister responded. Then the preacher took up the evils of alcohol. “Oh, he’s ablaze with the Holy Spirit!” said one sister to the other. “Give it to them sinners, Reverend!” the other sister shouted. Then, the preacher began to preach against the evils of tobacco. One of the sisters spat some tobacco juice on the floor and complained, “Well, now he’s just meddling.”

As this story illustrates, while we may think our eyes are fixed on Jesus, our eyes are often only fixed on ourselves. Even the most well-intentioned of us struggle to drag our eyes away from ourselves with all of our own prejudices, and our own preconceived ideas of righteousness. If our gaze is fixed only on ourselves, we only manifest and perpetuate the sin and evils that have afflicted humanity from the time of Adam and Eve.

In today’s gospel, Jesus acknowledges that the way of God is in direct contradiction to the ways of the world and thus there will be division. Jesus makes it clear that if we, as his disciples, fix our gaze on him, our lives will be lived in direct contradiction to that of the world. The world tells us that we are to destroy our enemies, “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Jesus says in response to the world, “No, that is not the way of God. The law mandated by God is, “love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.” The world tells us that we are to place ourselves first before others. Jesus says in response to the world, “No! We are to be as servants to one another. The last shall be first and the first shall be last.” The world tells us that we must preserve our lives at all cost. And, Jesus says in direct contradiction to the world, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” In  Matthew’s Gospel, we hear that when Peter pleads with Jesus not to go to Jerusalem and so avoid dying, Jesus turns on Peter saying, “Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.” To think as God thinks and live as God intends us to live will place us in direct contradiction to those who think only as human beings do. There will be division.

May we take to heart the words of the second reading, today. Let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us, keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus who is the leader and the perfecter of our faith. In focusing our lives on Jesus,  we will find the peace of which the angels sang on Christmas morn. For it is only in Jesus that we will find true joy and happiness.

In search of humanity – a reflection on the readings of the 18th Sunday in Ordinary Time

Many of us, especially as we age, are in a constant search for our humanity. It seems that as we get older we equate what it means to be human to that which we once did when we were young. The time and money in advertisements offering the qualities of life that once had been ours in our youth, whether it be eliminating the sagging of skin on one’s body, or revitalize former sexual functions is enormous.

At the typical viewing of an NFL football game one cannot begin to count the number of erectile dysfunction commercials, whether it be Viagara or Ciales, on both hands … we run out of fingers (if only our hands were larger). Then there are those manufacturers that market everything from skin lotions and creams to smooth out the wrinkles on one’s face and body, to hair replacement clinics, and plastic surgery to eliminate the scars and stretch marks and other sagging tissue from pregnancy to over eating. How will this constant human pursuit of the fountain of youth in the form of chemicals and plastic surgery ever measure up to the quality of being truly human? Will any of these pursuits increase our humanness? I think not.

In the second reading today, Paul tells the Collosian community to NOT put on their old self, but rather to put on their NEW self. Fr. Jerome Murphy-O’Connor, in his masterpiece, “Becoming Human Together”, speaks of St. Paul’s idea of anthropology. In the cosmic schema of St. Paul, there is the epic of Adam and the epic of Jesus, the New Adam. The epic of Adam is that of humanity of the first creation cursed and tainted by Sin prior to Jesus. This is human life marked by self-centeredness, greed, hate, and violence. Paul calls this kind of human existence “sub-human.”

The Epic of Jesus is the new creation, one in which humanity is recreated into what God meant humanity to be before the Sin of the first parents. Jesus is the new Adam free from sin. To truly be Human, life is lived for others in love and compassion. We look to Jesus to see and experience what it means to be really human.

Paul is telling the Collosian community that to put on their old self is to slip back into living a sub-human state of life. They have been baptized, it is time now to live truly “Human lives.”

The same is addressed in the gospel. It is not the things of the “old self” that are ultimately the most important. Wealth, security, power are not treasures that are long lasting but are fleeting.  As this is expressed very well in the first reading, “Vanity of Vanities. All things are vanity. “If our entire life is focused on on these pursuits, we spend our lives chasing after emptiness.

Rather Jesus is telling us to focus on the treasures that are everlasting, the things of heaven. It is love and compassion, the focusing our efforts and attentions on God and on others that is the true treasure of heaven. Everything that we have in life, including the graces we have received, are to be shared with others. It is there where true happiness will be found.

Like it or not, we all eventually realize that to attempt to go back to the bodies, and the libidos of what we once had in our youth, is a waste of time and effort. As we get older, let us put aside all that marks our “old selves” and focus on putting on our “new selves”, that which will last forever.

Knocking on heaven’s door – a homily for the 17th Sunday in Ordinary Time.

dore jesus teachingin the synagogue(Jesus teaching in the synagogue. Woodcut by Gustave Dore)

The Our Father is a prayer that is central to Christianity and over the centuries much was been said, preached, and written about this perfect prayer. What I would like to focus on today are the words in the words in the gospel in which Jesus says, “ask and your will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open to you.”

During my diaconal formation, I spent 5 hours every Wednesday for 9 months as a chaplain in a Twin City hospital of  400 beds. I remember visiting a very elderly man one night. He was despondent and very angry.  I knew the visit was going to be short. Before I left the room, I asked him if he wanted to pray. He glared at me and responded with a very emphatic, “Hell, no!” I asked him if it was okay for me to pray for him. His reply to me was, “Do whatever you want, it won’t do any good!” Respecting his wishes, I left the room and later that night prayed for him. At one time or another in our lives, all of us have harbored similar sentiments as that elderly man.

Yet, Jesus tells us in today’s gospel, “ask and you will receive, seek and you will find.” It’s not that I don’t believe Jesus, but my experience has been that for which I asked God I did not receive, and that for which I asked God to seek has not been found. If that is your experience in life too, know that even Jesus did not always get his prayers answered.  In the passion accounts of both Mark and Matthew’s gospels, Jesus prays in desperation to God the Father that the cup of his passion and death be taken from him. God remains silent. It is only in Luke’s Passion that God sends an angel to comfort Jesus. However, Jesus still dies in agony. When Jesus cries out from the cross, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?” again, God remains silent. Is our God capricious, mean-spirited, temperamental and unfeeling? The answer to this question is an emphatic no. I think some of the problem we have in experiencing prayers not being answered is how we think about prayer.

Prayer is not meant to manipulate God into doing something for us. That is how the pagan religions thought prayer worked. You do something, you sacrifice something or someone, and that forces the gods to do something for you. I see some of this on Facebook. The post will say, if you respond to the post by typing “Amen” in the commentary, God will do a miracle for you. Really? Typing Amen to a Facebook post will force God to do something? That is plain nonsense. That is not the way prayer works.

Prayer is not superstitious magic. Saying a certain prayer, a certain number of times, on certain days will not manipulate God to give us what we want. I remember visiting a young man in the hospital. Though baptized a Catholic, he hadn’t been to church for a long time. He had a rosary dangling from around his neck like a necklace and felt optimistic about his health outcome because he had “the beads.” When I visited him again a couple of weeks later, he was angry because “the beads” were not working.  He thought that by just wearing the beads around his neck like some magic talisman, he would be cured of his illness. I took the beads from around his neck, placed them in his hands and showed him how to pray the rosary.

When we pray to God we must discern carefully that for which we are asking of God. Jesus asks his disciples this question today. “What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg?” When we pray to God for some need, if God perceives that for which we are asking is really a snake instead of a fish, God will not give us what we want. If God perceives that for which we are really asking is a scorpion instead of an egg, God will not give us what we want. Like any good parent, God will give to us only that which is best for us, that which will help fulfill who we really are as children of God. This requires us to do a serious assessment of what we truly need to become the person God created us to be.

This is why the most important part of today’s Gospel is the ending. Jesus concludes today’s gospel saying, “If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?” What Jesus is saying that of all for which we pray to God, the most important prayer we can ask of God is to give us the Holy Spirit, so that we are able to discern, to know that for which we truly need from God.

Back in 2011, when I had my first hip replacement, I prayed to God for a successful surgery with no complications. I ended up with a MRSA infection, almost dying from the antibiotic that was suppose to kill the infection, losing the artificial hip, and going for six months without a left hip while the infectious disease doctor tried to discover the right combination of antibiotics that would kill the infection without killing me, went through a total of five surgeries before I finally had the second hip replacement. During that nightmarish time, while I prayed for a cure, that for which I really ended up praying was for understanding, the answer to the question, “where is the grace in all of this.” You see, when Jesus asked God to take the chalice of his passion death from him, he concluded the prayer with, “Not my will but your will be done.” I prayed to God in order to understand what God wanted me to learn from my experience. The infection was eventually killed. I ended up getting a new hip. However, my prayer for understanding? God has answered that prayer many times since. Five years later, I continue to grow from the answers I am still receiving.

My friends, may we always begin our prayers of need to God by praying first for the Holy Spirit to help us know that for which we really need, and then pray for that need. If we do that, then we will ask and will receive. We will seek and we will find. And, any door we knock upon will be opened up for us.