Saint Judas – An Easter Reflection

In a poetry class in college, I studied a poem by the American poet, James Wright. It was entitled “Saint Judas”. The poet found that in reading the New Testament, the death of Judas Iscariot is mentioned in only two accounts, Matthew’s Gospel and the Acts of the Apostles (the Gospels of John, Luke, and Mark, while acknowledging his betrayal of Jesus, never mention his death). The manner of Judas’ death is different in the two accounts. In Matthew’s account, Judas dies by hanging himself. In Act, he falls upon the field, he has bought with the money, suffering disembowelment. In Wright’s poem, Judas, on his way to end his life, encounters hoodlums beating and robbing a man. Shaken by the sight the poem continues …

“Banished from heaven, I found this victim beaten,
Stripped, kneed, and left to cry. Dropping my rope
Aside, I ran, ignored the uniforms;
Then I remembered bread my flesh had eaten,
The kiss that ate my flesh. Flayed without hope,
I held the man for nothing in my arms.”

In this poem, the death of Jesus not only saved the world, but even saved the life and the soul of the one who betrayed him. Judas, no longer ruled and controlled by avarice, finds his life emulating that of the one he betrayed. He has become a man of compassion and love.

On this Easter Sunday, where do we find ourselves? Do we find ourselves with the brave women, Mary Magdalene, Mary, the mother of James, and Salome going to the tomb of Jesus? Do we find ourselves in the person of Peter, crushed by his denial of Jesus? Do we find ourselves numbered with the apostles fearing for their lives cowering in the upper room? Or, do we find ourselves, as in this poem, with Judas Iscariot, who believes his sin has damned him for all time? It matters not with whom we find ourselves. The death, passion and resurrection of Jesus has brought salvation to humanity. All we need to do is believe and embrace Jesus, the One who is the way, the truth, and the life.

Here is the complete poem.

SAINT JUDAS
When I went out to kill myself, I caught
A pack of hoodlums beating up a man.
Running to spare his suffering,
I forgot My name, my number, how my day began,
How soldiers milled around the garden stone
And sang amusing songs; how all that day
Their javelins measured crowds; how I alone
Bargained the proper coins, and slipped away.

Banished from heaven, I found this victim beaten,
Stripped, kneed, and left to cry.
Dropping my rope
Aside, I ran, ignored the uniforms:
Then I remembered bread my flesh had eaten,
The kiss that ate my flesh.
Flayed without hope,
I held the man for nothing in my arms.

Wright, James. Collected Poems (Wesleyan Poetry Series) (p. 86). Wesleyan University Press. Kindle Edition.

For Diane Weckman – Psalm Offering 6 Opus 9

PSALM OFFERING 6, OPUS 9 (for Diane Weckman)

I was reflecting on Psalm 27 as I composed this Psalm Offering.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh—
my adversaries and foes— they shall stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.

One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after:
to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.

I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong,
and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord! (Psalm 27:1-4, 13-14. New Oxford Annotated Bible, New Revised Standard Version)

The psalmist affirms his trust in God, in whom the psalmist finds light and salvation. Though the events of his life may seem to be stacked up against him, the psalmist knows that hope lay only in God. The motivating emotion in the life of the psalmist is desiring to behold God. The psalmist longs to be in the sanctuary of God, in the land of life.

I have dedicated this psalm to my good friend and colleague, Diane Weckman. I have grown close to Diane and her family over the past 8 to 9 years. She was a major leader in the rural parish of St Benedict, and though St Benedict was merged with four other parishes and later demolished, Diane has continued to be provide positive leadership in the newly created parish.

ABOUT THE MUSIC. This song is a vibrant waltz, composed in the key of C major. It is essentially in two part, AB form. The A melody actually has two distinct versions, A1 and A2 both introduced in the beginning of the music. The overall structure is: A1A2BA1BA2BA1Coda.

Psalm Offering 6 Opus 9 (c) 2018, Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.

Do this in remembrance of me – a homily for Holy Thursday

The earliest written account of the words of consecration are those we hear in the second reading tonight. Paul, in his first letter to the Christian community in Corinth, gives us a glance as to how Mass was celebrated in the early Church. He wrote his 1st letter to the Corinthians around the year 50, approximately 20 years after the death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus, and 15 to 20 years before the first gospel, the gospel of Mark, was written. We hear Paul say two times in this reading, “Do this in remembrance of me.” What do these words mean to us?

Back in the 1950’s, when Mass was in Latin, my parents would have said, “Do this in remembrance of me meant going to hear Mass.” We didn’t participate at all in the Mass. We were not allowed to say any Mass prayers, not even the Our Father. The altar boys did that for us. We weren’t allowed to sing. The choir did that for us. Do this in memory of me meant going to church on Sunday to hear Mass and receive Holy Communion.

As a 2 and 3 year old kid , “Do this in remembrance of me” meant standing on the kneeler, opening up the purse of the woman in the pew ahead of us, and rifling through its contents, and, playing with the feet of those kneeling in front of me. Boy, people really hate it when you grab the heals of their shoes and move them back and forth. When you are barely 2 feet tall and can barely see over the pew, can’t bring anything to play with at Mass, and everything is in a language you don’t understand, you have to do something to occupy your time.

As I got older, and became an altar boy, I would say, “Do this in remembrance of me” meant memorizing Latin prayers I didn’t understand. It meant learning to ring the bells at the correct time. It meant knowing when to transfer the Roman Missal from the epistle side of the altar to the gospel side of the altar. It meant learning how to stifle my laughter as I held a paten under the chin of people who stuck their tongues out at me. It also meant that I could not “accidentally” hit a kid I didn’t like in the Adam’s Apple with the edge of the paten. Man that would really get him to stick out his tongue.

Things have changed a lot since that time long ago. “Do this in memory of me,” no longer means passively sitting silent like spectators watching the priest and the altar servers do things for us. We are now actively engaged in Mass by praying the prayers of the Mass, singing the hymns and acclamations of the Mass, listening to the scripture proclaimed, and receiving Holy Communion. But, is this what Jesus meant by saying, “Do this in remembrance of me?” No. As we hear in the Gospel tonight “Do this in remembrance of me” is more than smells and bells.

The great Catholic scripture scholar, Fr Jerome Murphy-O’Connor, wrote that Jesus did not just merely say the words, “Do this in remembrance of me.” Jesus gave substance to those words by washing the feet of the apostles and then going forth and sacrificing his life on the cross for all people, including those who plotted against him and executed him. Jesus tells us, “If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another’s feet. I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do.” To do this in remembrance of me means that we are to go forth from this church with the grace we have received from this Mass and use that grace to serve the needs, to wash the feet, figuratively speaking and literally speaking, of all who are in need.

If we continue to read the passages after Jesus washes the feet of his apostles, we will hear Jesus give his last teaching to the apostles before he goes to the Garden and fulfills his mission. He will command them to “love one another as I have loved you.”

That command has been passed down the ages to us here tonight. As Jesus fed the 5000, we are to go forth and feed the hungry, whether it is at the Dorothy Day Center, Loaves and Fishes, bringing food to the food shelf, or bringing a hot meal to someone who is in need. As Jesus healed those who were sick, we are to go forth and visit and pray for those who are ill, drive people to the doctors and keep them company as they wait in the waiting room, or sit with their families during surgeries, or even bringing some chicken noodle soup who has a bad cold. As Jesus comforted many who were overwhelmed by life’s problems, so we, too, must sit and listen to people as they try and sort out what has happened to them in life. Perhaps they have lost a job, or are going through separation and divorce. Perhaps they are grieving the death of someone they loved. Perhaps they are lonely, or feeling depressed and need someone to listen to them. As Jesus welcomed and ministered to many shunned by his society, Samaritans, tax collectors, prostitutes, so are we to welcome the stranger and those looked down upon by our society.

When we, as the living, breathing body of Christ on this earth truly “Do this in remembrance of me,” we give substance to the words of consecration we hear at Mass. The words of consecration are not just holy words uttered by a priest to transform bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Jesus. When these words are placed into action, they transform our lives, so that we can go forth and transform the world around us.

For Carol Weiers – Psalm Offering 5 Opus 9

In the composition of this Psalm Offering the following verses from Psalm 71 came to my mind.

In you, O Lord, I take refuge; let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
incline your ear to me and save me.
Be to me a rock of refuge,
a strong fortress,  to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.

Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of the unjust and cruel.
For you, O Lord, are my hope,
my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from my birth;
it was you who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.

O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
I will also praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, O my God;

I will sing praises to you with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praises to you;
my soul also, which you have rescued.
All day long my tongue will talk of your righteous help,
for those who tried to do me harm have been put to shame, and disgraced.
(Psalm 71: 1-6, 17,22-24, NRSV Bible, New Oxford Annotated Edition)

The psalmist writes this psalm from the perspective of someone who has experienced hardship in life. Though, this person may be in the midst of some conflict, the person’s trust in God’s enduring love and care rejoices knowing the justice will prevail and God will make all things right. The agitation and conflict is heard in melody A but gradually fades away in the peace and tranquility of melody B. It is as if the peace and trust of the psalmist in melody B is an oasis in the midst of the agitation and conflict of melody A. Though melody A does return in great fury, the peace of melody B prevails, growing only the more loud and victorious by the end of the song.

I dedicate this song to my good friend and colleague, Carol Weiers, with whom I have ministered the past 8 years. Even in the midst of the craziness of parish life, Carol has always been that oasis of sanity and wisdom, maintaining a sense of humor and balance.

About the music: This Psalm Offering is in simple two part form, AB and is composed in the key of F minor. Melody A has a very fast running arpeggio in the left hand against loud, heavy chords in the right hand. Melody B is slower, softer and more expressive, harmonically progressing to a concluding chord in Bb major. The entire structure of the song is A,B,A,B.

The B melody was intended 42 years ago to be a chorale in a massive choral work based on Psalm 71. Over the years, I misplaced the score for the chorale and just recently discovered it in the bottom of a storage bin. The rest of the choral work is gone, but the best ended up being preserved … thanks be to God.

Psalm Offering 5 Opus 9 (c) 2018, Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.

For my friend, Mary Carol Wolf – Psalm Offering 4 Opus 9

Psalm Offering 4 Opus 9 (For Mary Carol Wolf)

As I was composing this Psalm Offering, I had in mind the words from Psalm 100.

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come into his presence with singing.

Know that the Lord is God.
It is he that made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him, bless his name.

For the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.
(Psalm 100, NRSV Bible, New Oxford Annotated Edition)

In this psalm, the psalmist calls out to the earth to worship and give praise to God who created all things.

I dedicate this Psalm Offering to a wonderful person with whom I have ministered for the past 8 years, Mary Carol Wolf. As a 2nd grade faith formation catechist in the parish for over 20 years, she has taught many children to worship and praise God with great joy. In addition to her ministry as a catechist, she is a sacristan for the church, helps with the liturgical environment in the church, a member of the parish council, assists her husband farming, and works a full time job. Her love and dedication to her family, the kids she catechizes, to her work, and to her church is remarkable.

About the music: The structure of this music is very similar to the refrain, verse, refrain structure we often hear in popular music. Introduction, melody A, melody B, melody A, melody C, melody A, melody B, melody A, Coda.

 

Psalm Offering 4 Opus 9 (c) 2018, Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.

Sacrifice, a virtue? – a reflection for the 5th Sunday of Lent

Generally, we dream about living a life in which all that we want, wealth, security, and relationships come free without any obstacles and conflict, a life without sacrifice. While it may sound idyllic, it is a life of emptiness, devoid of any meaning and worth. I remember a Jack Nicholson movie, As Good As It Gets, in which Nicholson plays a man who is very successful, pretty much having everything he needs, but finds his life empty. The man suffers from OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), has a general dislike for humanity in general (misanthropy) which causes him to behave in an intolerable manner toward others. The only one who tolerates his behavior is a waitress whom he comes to like very much. He wonders if his life is “as good as it gets,” and wanting to develop a relationship with the waitress finds that it comes at a cost. He must sacrifice the way he has lived in order to date her.

Jesus teaches us that to find true fulfillment in life, we must be willing to sacrifice ourselves. “Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will preserve it for eternal life.” Jesus tells us that we cannot buy happiness and fulfillment. The world can only offer us an illusion of happiness and fulfillment, but like Nicholson’s character in the film, we will always wonder if this is “as good as it gets.” Prior to his arrest in the garden, Jesus teaches his disciples that there is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for a friend. He then commands them, “Love one another as I have loved you.” So that his apostles and all humanity may find true happiness and fulfillment, Jesus then goes forth to sacrifice his life for us on the cross. Today, Jesus challenges us to “love one another as I have love you,” by sacrificing ourselves for others.

Honoring God and Neighbor – a reflection on the readings for the 3rd Sunday of Lent

It has been so busy around the parish church sites that I have gotten a wee bit behind in posting some articles I have written for the parish bulletin. Here is one from a couple of weekends ago …

The human virtue of “honor” is one of our highest values. In our wedding vows, we hear the bride and the groom promise “I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” The Boy Scout Oath and the Girl Scout Promise begin with the words, “On my honor.” The scripture readings for today can be summed up as to what it means “to honor”.

The Ten  Commandments  are about how we love and honor God and our neighbor. Jesus is irate about the dishonor the merchants heap upon the sacred space of the Temple. He overthrows their tables, scattering  their money and their commodities everywhere. The merchants had vandalized the sacred place of God (in Jewish theology, the Temple was the “footstool” of God) by turning the Temple into a place of human commerce.

The center of Jesus’ life is expressed in the Great Commandment of loving God and loving neighbor. For Jesus, it was not only important to love and honor the Temple, the physical building dwelling place of God,  but to love and honor the physical dwelling place of God in the human body. If we begin to see the human body as the Temple of God, as disciples of Jesus, how well do we love and honor this sacred dwelling place of God?

We are shocked when others vandalize and destroy our sacred worship spaces. Are we as equally outraged when people vandalize and destroy the Temple of God dwelling within our human body? We see the violence inflicted upon this Holy Temple by other humans every day. Human bodies riddled with bullets, spouses and children physically abused, young women and men sold in the sexual trade, babies aborted, children dying from the poisons in our air, water, and land, are daily reminders  how often humanity totally disregards the command of God to love and honor God’s Temple enfleshed in our humanity. How do we define the “merchants and moneychangers” of our society? Do we participate directly or indirectly in their commerce? How do we treat the Temple of God enfleshed within ourselves?

For my sister, Mary Ruth – Psalm Offering 2 Opus 9

My sister, Mary Ruth

Psalm Offering 2 Opus 9 (For my sister, Mary Ruth)

As we get closer to Holy Week in this Paschal Season, I think often of my sister, Mary Ruth, who died 20 years ago. I still grieve her dying. I will often go back to her last days, her own paschal suffering, and passion, as she was preparing to leave this life for the resurrection of eternal life. As I composed this Psalm Offering, it seems apropos I had Psalm 31 in mind.

In you, LORD, I take refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness deliver me;
incline your ear to me;
make haste to rescue me!
Be my rock of refuge,
a stronghold to save me.
For you are my rock and my fortress;
for your name’s sake lead me and guide me.
Free me from the net they have set for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commend my spirit;
you will redeem me, LORD, God of truth.
You hate those who serve worthless idols,
but I trust in the LORD.
My life is worn out by sorrow,
and my years by sighing.
My strength fails in my affliction;
my bones are wearing down.
But I trust in you, LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
My destiny is in your hands;
rescue me from my enemies,
from the hands of my pursuers.
Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your mercy. (Psalm 31: 2-7, 11, 15-17 New American Bible)

About the music: It is written in the key of C major. It is in a simple two part AB form, that is repeated two times, with variations on the music each time it is repeated.

Psalm Offering 2 Opus 9, (c) 2018, Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.

Do you love me? A reflection on the scriptures for the 4th Sunday of Lent

In the broadway musical, Fiddler on the Roof, there is a song in which Tevye asks his wife, Golde, “Do you love me?” Their marriage had been arranged by their parents, both of them not knowing the other until the day of their wedding. Golde, at first, dismisses his question as foolish. Tevye aske her again, “Do you love me?” She responds with statements like “I bore you 5 children. I’ve cooked for you. I’ve cleaned the house for you. I have raised 5 daughters with you. I have suffered and laughed with you for 25 years.”  After each of these answers Tevye persists asking her, “Do you love me?” Golde finally admits, “I guess I do love you.”

Let us ask the same question as Tevye, but instead pose the question to God. “Do you love me?” The readings for today give to us God’s answer. In Ephesians, St Paul writes, “God, who is rich in mercy,
because of the great love he had for us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, brought us to life with Christ.” In the Gospel, Jesus tells Nicodemus, “God so loved the world that he gave his only Son,
so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.” Unlike Golde, who at first hedges in her admission of love for Tevye, God tells us straight out how much God loves us, so much so, that God sent Jesus, his only begotten Son, to bring us everlasting life.

There is a story about the Spanish mystic, St. John of the Cross, who encountered Jesus in a vision. John asks Jesus, “How much do you love me?” Jesus replied, “This much,” then spread his arms and died. Were God to ask us in turn, “Do you love me?” how would we respond?

A Song for Rosemary Burg Ahmann – Psalm Offering 1 Opus 9

From top to bottom: Meg, Ruth, Rosemary, Sydney Jane (Meg’s daughter)

Ruthie’s mom, Rosemary Burg Ahmann, passed away on January 4th of this year. To say that her death was a great loss would be an understatement. The place in our hearts that Rosemary had, will always ache with longing and emptiness.

St. Patrick’s Day was the one day that Rosemary celebrated with an abandonment that truly revealed her DNA roots. Her father may have been a Burg, but her mother was a McNeilly, and, as it always seems, the Irish genes dominate over all genes of other nationalities. The amount of corn beef and cabbage consumed at her home on that day left a wee bit of a cloud of methane over the house.

Ruthie’s family were debating as to whether it was proper to continue Rosemary’s favorite celebration in her absence. Ruthie’s dad made it very clear that no matter what, the celebration would go on as it always had.

I have stated this before in other places, but we all grieve the death of our loved ones in our own particular way. I can wax poetic if need be, but the mode of expression that I use the most has always been music. I knew that it would only be a matter of time before my grieving Rosemary’s death would be expressed in a song. The attached music is something that I have composed in honor of this wonderful Irish/Swede lady, whose humor and down to earth wisdom has been a great joy and inspiration in my life from the time I met Ruthie. It is clear to me that those qualities that have endeared Rosemary to so many people are very apparent in the beautiful woman I married. Ruthie just puts her own spin on those qualities.

The overarching form of this music is ABA form. The A section is composed as an Irish jig. Within the A section there is the dominant melody, with alternate minor motifs sandwich in between. Think of it as this A1,A2,A1,A3,A1.

The music then seques to the B melody. Here the meter changes from 4/4 (four beats to a measure, the quarter note getting one beat) to 3/4 (three beats to a measure, the quarter note getting one beat). The music essentially changes from an Irish jig in quadruple meter to a waltz in triple meter. The tonality changes from the Key of F major to the key of Bb major … if you want to get technical.

The B section consists of 3 melodies like the A section. There is the dominant B melody with two alternate minor B melodies. B1,B2,B1,B3,B1.

There is a musical bridge that then reintroduces 4/4 meter and transitions to the key of F major. There is a recapitulation of all 3 A melodies, though slightly changed from the initial A section. The A melody then ends with a grand, majestic Coda.

Here is the music.

(c) 2018, by Deacon Bob Wagner OFS. All rights reserved.