Journeying Into Mystery

An update on my music

My granddaughter, Sydney Jane, dancing at my niece’s wedding in 2008.

At my niece, Joan’s wedding, Sydney, my granddaughter danced the whole night then collapsed into a chair at 11 pm. My daughter, Beth, snapped this wonderful photo of Sydney dancing barefoot in her “swirly red dress.” I have decided to use this photo as the defining art for my music, well aware, that if this gets off the ground financially, Syd and Beth may be hitting me up for royalties on this picture.

As you are aware, I have started a “business page” at Facebook. It is under the name of Robert Charles Wagner @psalmofferings. Upon reading an article in the daily newsletter of ASCAP in early May, I decided to self-publish my music entitled “Psalm Offerings.” I am doing this self-publishing through a company called CD Baby, and am satisfied with the results. They distribute the music to Amazon, iTunes, Spotify and other streaming markets and collect the money. While it has never been about the money, if I make a little along the way, I won’t complain.

Since 1974, I have composed piano songs dedicated to or in memory of people as a present. In 2011 during a life and death battle with a MRSA infection, I decided to begin some autobiographical work. The first was a volume of poems dedicated to my beloved Ruth that recounted our courtship, our wedding, the birth of our children to the present day. The second occurred during a recovery from an injury during which I decided to transfer all the music I had written, songs, vocal scores for SATB choir, and piano music to a digital format.

Psalm Offerings are instrumental piano pieces, mostly 3 to 6 minutes long. They embrace all musical periods from Baroque to Modern. I like to think of them as musical prayer for someone. It is somewhat similar to the Catholic prayer practice of lighting a candle as a prayer intention for a person, the lit candle being a visible manifestation of the prayer. The Psalm Offering is an aural manifestation of a prayer said for someone.

I invite you to listen to some of the music I post to this blog. If you enjoy it, I encourage you to go to CDBaby, Amazon, of iTunes to buy and download to your favorite device. The nice thing about downloads is that you are able to download those songs you like in contrast to downloading a whole album. You can also contact me and I will send you a CD. The CD will be more expensive than a downloaded album (unless you burn them off a computer).

Psalm Offering 8 Opus 9: For Cheryl Deister and Buster

My cousin Cheryl, and her poodle, Buster.

PSALM 149

Praise the Lord!
Sing to the Lord a new song,
his praise in the assembly of the faithful.
Let Israel be glad in its Maker;
let the children of Zion rejoice in their King.
Let them praise his name with dancing,
making melody to him with tambourine and lyre.
For the Lord takes pleasure in his people;
he adorns the humble with victory.
Let the faithful exult in glory;
let them sing for joy on their couches.
(Psalm 149: 1-5, NRSV)

This Psalm Offering is composed in the form of a Mazurka, a lively Polish dance written in triple meter. I had Psalm 149 in mind as I composed this music.
I composed this in memory of my cousin Cheryl Deister. Cheryl died following back surgery early in the year. She worked for most of her life in the Federal government and upon retiring, was employed as an independent contractor on government projects. Single all her life, she took loving care of her parents till they passed away, and was a loving doting aunt to her nieces and nephews. She loved dearly her sister Kathy and brother in law, Frank. The other great love of her life was her standard poodle, Buster. Cheryl was a devoted Washington Redskin and Washington Nationals fan.

Kathy and Cheryl were my Virginia cousins, whom I last visited probably in the 1960’s. Ruth and I had the great pleasure of visiting Kathy, Frank and Cheryl the first week of October, 2017. We were looking so forward to them coming to visit us this summer and were greatly shocked and saddened to hear of Cheryl’s death in January. I would like to think that this Mazurka reflects the joy that Cheryl imparted to those who knew her, and is now part of the great dance she is enjoying in Heaven.

About the music: As stated above, a Mazurka is a fast, lively dance in triple meter. It is marked by accents falling on the weaker beats of triple time, namely, the 2nd and 3rd beat of each measure. One of the great composers of Mazurkas was Frederick Chopin, who composed 69 Mazurkas for piano.
This Mazurka is composed in simple 3 part meter. Melody A, melody B, melody A.

Psalm Offering 5 Opus 9: For Carol Weiers

In the composition of this Psalm Offering the following verses from Psalm 71 came to my mind.

In you, O Lord, I take refuge; let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
incline your ear to me and save me.
Be to me a rock of refuge,
a strong fortress, to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.

Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of the unjust and cruel.
For you, O Lord, are my hope,
my trust, O Lord, from my youth.
Upon you I have leaned from my birth;
it was you who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.

O God, from my youth you have taught me,
and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
I will also praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, O my God;

I will sing praises to you with the lyre,
O Holy One of Israel.
My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praises to you;
my soul also, which you have rescued.
All day long my tongue will talk of your righteous help,
for those who tried to do me harm have been put to shame, and disgraced.
(Psalm 71: 1-6, 17,22-24, NRSV)
The psalmist writes this psalm from the perspective of someone who has experienced hardship in life. Though, this person may be in the midst of some conflict, the person’s trust in God’s enduring love and care rejoices knowing the justice will prevail and God will make all things right. The agitation and conflict is heard in melody A but gradually fades away in the peace and tranquility of melody B. It is as if the peace and trust of the psalmist in melody B is an oasis in the midst of the agitation and conflict of melody A. Though melody A does return in great fury, the peace of melody B prevails, growing only the more loud and victorious by the end of the song.

I dedicate this song to my good friend and colleague, Carol Weiers, with whom I have ministered the past 8 years. Even in the midst of the craziness of parish life, Carol has always been that oasis of sanity and wisdom, maintaining a sense of humor and balance.

About the music: This Psalm Offering is in simple two part form, AB and is composed in the key of F minor. Melody A has a very fast running arpeggio in the left hand against loud, heavy chords in the right hand. Melody B is slower, softer and more expressive, harmonically progressing to a concluding chord in Bb major. The entire structure of the song is A,B,A,B.

The B melody was intended 42 years ago to be a chorale in a massive choral work based on Psalm 71. Over the years, I just recently discovered it in the bottom of a storage bin. The rest of the choral work is gone, but the best ended up being preserved … thanks be to God.

Psalm Offering 6 Opus 9: For Diane Weckman

I was reflecting on Psalm 27 as I composed this Psalm Offering.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh—
my adversaries and foes— they shall stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me,
my heart shall not fear;
though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.

One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after:
to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple.

I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong,
and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord!
(Psalm 27:1-4, 13-14, NRSV)

The psalmist affirms his trust in God, in whom the psalmist finds light and salvation. Though the events of his life may seem to be stacked up against him, the psalmist knows that hope lay only in God. The motivating emotion in the life of the psalmist is desiring to behold God. The psalmist longs to be in the sanctuary of God, in the land of life.

I have dedicated this psalm to my good friend and colleague, Diane Weckman. I have grown close to Diane and her family over the past 8 to 9 years. She was a major leader in the rural parish of St Benedict, and though St Benedict was merged with four other parishes and later demolished, Diane has continued to be provide positive leadership in the newly created parish.

ABOUT THE MUSIC. This song is a vibrant waltz, composed in the key of C major. It is essentially in three part, AB form. The A melody actually has two distinct versions, A1 and A2 both introduced in the beginning of the music. The overall structure is: A1A2BA1BA2BA1Coda.

PSALM OFFERING 6 Opus 9 Commentary

Psalm Offering 2 Opus 9: For my sister Mary Ruth Wagner on the 21st anniversary of her death

My sister, Mary Ruth and I. The picture was taken close to the time of Mary Ruth’s death.

I repost this music I composed for my sister, Mary Ruth. Mary Ruth died this day, August 10th, 21 years ago of complications from Crohn’s disease.

In you, O Lord, I seek refuge;
do not let me ever be put to shame;
in your righteousness deliver me.
Incline your ear to me;
rescue me speedily.
Be a rock of refuge for me,
a strong fortress to save me.
You are indeed my rock and my fortress;
for your name’s sake lead me and guide me,
take me out of the net that is hidden for me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hand I commit my spirit;
you have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God.
You hate those who pay regard to worthless idols,
but I trust in the Lord.
I will exult and rejoice in your steadfast love,
because you have seen my affliction;
you have taken heed of my adversities,
and have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;
you have set my feet in a broad place.
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
my eye wastes away from grief,
my soul and body also.
But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.”
My times are in your hand;
deliver me from the hand of my enemies and persecutors.
Let your face shine upon your servant;
save me in your steadfast love. (Psalm 31: 1-9, 14-16)

As we got closer to Holy Week in this Paschal Season, I thought often of my sister, Mary Ruth

Yellow roses, my sister’s favorite flower.

. I still grieve her dying. I thought about her struggle with her Crohns disease for the last 20 years of her life, and reflected upon her last days, her own paschal suffering, and passion, as she was preparing to leave this life for the resurrection of eternal life. As I composed this Psalm Offering, I had Psalm 31 in mind.

About the music: It is written in the key of C major. It is in a simple two part AB form, that is repeated two times, with variations on the music each time it is repeated.

Psalm Offering 9 Opus 9: For my beloved Ruth

See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when he is revealed, we will be like him, for we will see him as he is. (1 John 3:1-2)
I first met Ruth on September 3, 1968. When my father’s business transferred my family from Chicago to St. Paul, I was beginning my junior year in high school. The first person who talked to me, welcomed me, and smiled at me to my new high school was Ruth.

It was a miracle that my family moved when we did, and I chose the high school at which Ruth was attending. It was a miracle that I met her that first day. It was a miracle that we began to be very close and started to date. It was a miracle that she fell in love with me (I had fallen in love with her long before the first date). It was a miracle that she married me.

Each of one of our children is a miracle. Each year of my life with Ruthie is a miracle. If you would ask me who has taught me the most about love, and how to live that love, it is Ruthie.

A photograph taken of Ruthie 2 years ago as a birthday present from my daughter-in-law, Olivia (who is a professional photographer).

When the author of the first letter of John exhorts his followers to see now greatly God has loved them, I have come to know how greatly I am loved by being in this miraculous relationship with Ruth. She is the incarnation of God’s love for me and I am blessed to be so very aware of it. I have often told her that when I grow up I want to be like her. Each passing day only affirms those words and sentiments of mine. She is the living image of God’s love for me, and this only inspires me to strive to better become that which God is calling me to be.

ABOUT THE MUSIC: This music is composed in my favorite meter, 5/4 time (5 beats grouped to every measure, a quarter note getting 1 beat). It is not common time like 3/4 , 4/4, or 2/4 time in which most music is composed. What is fun with this meter is where the accented beats (the stronger sounding beats) are placed in the measure. It can be 1,2,3,4,5 or 1,2,3,4,5. In this music, the accents sometimes falls on the second beat (note: the first measure of the song) 1,2,3,4,5.

The music is composed in the key of C major (no sharps or flats in the Key signature). It is in rondo form, namely, A1,A2,B1,A1,A2,C,A1,A2,D,A2,B2,A1,A2,Coda, with melody A (or its variant) being the dominant melody.

Psalm Offering 5 Opus 10: A Ballade in Memory of Harold and Evelyn Evenson

PSALM OFFERING 5 OPUS 10: Ballade (In memory of Harold and Evelyn Evenson)

The inspiration of this Psalm Offering comes from a psalm that is beloved to many, Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff —
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long. (Psalm 23, NRSV)

This psalm has that remarkable quality that quiets and calms people during even the most catastrophic of times in human lives. Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book, The Lord Is My Shepherd: Healing Wisdom Of The Twenty-Third Psalm, is devoted to the healing power the words of the psalmist has on people.

The music, comprised of two very simple melodies, is meant to evoke the peace the psalm brings to people. The two melodies undergo subtle variations in accompaniment to a melody that never really changes.

Harold and Evelyn Evenson were Ruthie’s Aunt and Uncle on the maternal side of her family. In fact, Harold and Ev were the first relatives of Ruthie that I came to know. When Ruthie went to St Bernard’s High School (on Rice Street in St. Paul), she boarded during the week with Ev and Harold who lived in the old family house on Marion Street, two blocks from the High School. When I first dated Ruthie, I always picked her up at Ev and Harold’s house. At first, I thought that Ruth was an orphan and Ev and Harold were her guardians. It wasn’t until Ruthie’s high school graduation open house at the family farm in Scandia, Minnesota that I knew Ruth had parents.

Ev and Harold were unable to have children, however, many nieces and nephews spent time with them, especially when crises arose with the Burg/McNeely families. Ev had a sardonic wit and at time an acerbic way of expressing herself. Harold was extremely kind and generous. Their generosity was often repaid by other members of the family in helping fix and maintain the family home. Ev and Harold were extremely generous to Ruthie and I and our children when we were poor.

Psalm Offering 4 Opus 10: A Waltz for Laura Schoenecker

I composed this Psalm Offering for Laura Schoenecker, the Director of Religious Education at St Wenceslaus Parish, and my good friend.

The inspiration for this Psalm Offering comes from Psalm 96:

O sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth.
Sing to the Lord, bless his name;
tell of his salvation from day to day.
Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous works among all the peoples.
For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;
he is to be revered above all gods.
For all the gods of the peoples are idols,
but the Lord made the heavens.
Honor and majesty are before him;
strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.

Ascribe to the Lord, O families of the peoples,
ascribe to the Lord glory and strength.
Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
bring an offering, and come into his courts.
Worship the Lord in holy splendor;
tremble before him, all the earth.
Say among the nations, “The Lord is king!
The world is firmly established;
it shall never be moved.
He will judge the peoples with equity.”
Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice;
let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
let the field exult, and everything in it.
Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy
before the Lord; for he is coming,
for he is coming to judge the earth.
He will judge the world with righteousness,
and the peoples with his truth. (Psalm 96, NRSV)

The music is meant to evoke an image of one grand, joyful waltz danced before the throne of God. All of Creation in praise and thanksgiving of our God who created us.

About the Music: It is simple ABA form. Variations of the two melodies evolve as the melodies repeat, ending in one great flourish at the Coda.

Psalm Offering 4 Opus 10: A Waltz for Laura Schoenecker

Psalm Offering 1 Opus 10: A Galop for my friend, Peter Guzulaitis

Throughout the past 6 weeks, as I have been trying to get my other music published (when checking last night I have made a whopping $37 on Amazon) I have continued to compose more music. Two of these piano prayers I have posted on this blog in reaction to the sinful actions of the trump administration toward migrants from Latin America.

The music I present here today is for my good friend and colleague, Peter Guzulaitis.

The inspiration for this music is Psalm 150.

Praise the Lord!
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty firmament!
Praise him for his mighty deeds;
praise him according to his surpassing greatness!

Praise him with trumpet sound;
praise him with lute and harp!
Praise him with tambourine and dance;
praise him with strings and pipe!
Praise him with clanging cymbals;
praise him with loud clashing cymbals!
Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord! (Psalm 150, NRSV)

A Galop is a musical dance form that predated the Polka, the Can Can, and other fast dances in duple meter. Chopin, Shostakovich and many other composers from the Romantic Era and Modern Era have utilized the Galop in their musical compositions.

Upon the 21st Anniversary of My Sister’s Death

21 years ago, somewhere between 1 and 2 a.m. my sister of 42 years died at St. Joseph’s Hospital in St. Paul. Her head cradled in the arms of her good friend, Dr. Bob Conlin, and with all of us gathered around her, Mary died. She died on a Sunday, the day during the week that we celebrated always as the Resurrection (note: in Lent you are NOT to fast ever on Sunday for that precise reason.)

It hardly seems like 21 years, 10 years perhaps, but not 21 years. Ruthie, the kids and I drove back to New Prague in those early hours of Sunday morning. We stopped briefly at the Holiday Station in Burnsville, then made our way home. Ruthie and I were up early to assist mom and dad in making Mary’s funeral arrangements. At first, I thought that Mary’s funeral would be on my birthday, the 12th, but her funeral ended up on the 13th with her wake on the 12th. Not a day passes without me thinking of her.

What is presented here is the bulletin article I wrote on July 3rd, this year, early in the morning, the day of my mother’s funeral.

A couple of years prior to his death, the great spiritual writer Fr Henri Nouwen wrote a book entitled, “Our Greatest Gift.” I was intrigued by the title. What is this greatest gift about which Nouwen devoted a whole book? Was it about Jesus, whom we would all agree is our greatest gift? No, the greatest gift Nouwen wrote about is “death.” Nouwen did ministry in a community of adults who had multiple developmental disabilities. On his birthday, one resident, a 30 year old man named Bill told Nouwen the hard, cold truth. Bill said, “Henri, you are old.” Nouwen acknowledged that the number of years he had before him were far fewer than the number of years behind him.

Dad and Mary Ruth just prior to her 8th grade graduation from St Rose of Lima School in Roseville, MN.

The subject of the book came to Nouwen during the 6 months he cared for his sister-in-law who was dying from cancer. He wrote about his ministry to another young man who was dying from HIV. Nouwen wrote that human death is the great equalizer in human society. People along the human spectrum, the powerful and powerless, the wealthy and the poor, those with great status and prestige and those with none at all, the lawful and the lawless, each and everyone of them will eventually die. Death claims us all, including Jesus Christ. Jesus was not above death but willingly died to be in solidarity with us whom he had created.

My saints in heaven, Mom, Dad, Nicodemus (the Peekapoo) and Mary Ruth.

Nouwen noted that human death need not be seen as horrible, but rather a mysterious passage through which we are born into eternal life. As babies must leave the safety and security of the womb to experience greater life, so must we leave the finite security of human life to pass into the fullness of eternal life. This is why the feast days of saints are not celebrated on the anniversary of their birth, but are celebrated on the anniversary of their death. The date of their death is the date of their birthday in heaven. Those of us whose lives have been touched by death receive comfort in knowing that Jesus, the Lord of the living and the dead, has conquered death once and for all, and leads our loved ones into the joy and peace of eternal life.

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