Journeying Into Mystery

On this Sunday in which we hear once more the wonderful Easter story of the Road to Emmaus, I would like to begin by sharing this beautiful poem by my favorite poet, Denise Levertov.

The Servant-Girl at Emmaus (A Painting by Velazquez)

She listens, listens, holding
her breath. Surely that voice
is his – the one
who had looked at her, once, across the crowd,
as no one ever had looked?
Had seen her? had spoken as if to her?

Surely those hands were his,
taking the platter of bread from hers just now?
Hands he’d laid on the dying and made them well?

Surely that face – ?

The man they’d crucified for sedition and blasphemy.
The man whose body disappeared from its tomb.
The man it was rumored now some women had seen this morning,
                                                                                             alive?

Those who had brought this stranger home to their table
don’t recognize yet with whom they sit.
But she is in the kitchen, absently touching
                                                      the winejug she’s to take in,
a young Black servant intently listening.

swings round and sees
the light around him
and is sure.[1]

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[1] ‘The Servant-Girl at Emmaus.’ The painting is in the collection of Russborough House, County Wicklow, Ireland. Before it was cleaned, the subject was not apparent: only when the figures at table in a room behind her were revealed was her previously ambiguous expression clearly legible as acutely attentive.

From “Breathing The Water”, (c) 1984, 1985, 1986, 1987 by Denise Levertov, A New Directions Book.

As Ruth, Luke, and I were doing our prayer service this evening, I read this wonderful poem from Denise Levertov to them. What stands out in this poem is that the servant girl immediately recognized Jesus, something the two disciples were not able to do. They were only able to recognize Jesus when he broke the bread.

During these days of home isolation, with the ability to celebrate Mass and receive communion taken from us, are we able to experience the presence of Christ as the servant girl in the poem, or, do we find ourselves like the disciples unable to experience Christ because the bread is not broken, and we do not receive holy communion?

These days of home confinement presents to us an opportunity to widen our ability to experience the real presence of Christ all around us. Jesus no longer remains a prisoner of a tabernacle in a church building. Rather, we are presented the opportunity to experience the real presence of Christ in one another, in the sunshine, plant life, and animal life all around us. Jesus is no longer confined to a transcendent galaxy far, far away. Jesus is immanent, with us right now in the present. This in no way diminishes the experience of Jesus in the Eucharist, but rather expands our awareness of Christ’s presence far beyond the Eucharist.

Christ is incarnate in all that is around us and within us. When we are able to see the incarnate, resurrected Christ everywhere and within, we live in the fullness of Christ.

The Paschal Season begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Pentecost. During that time we enter into the Paschal Mystery of Christ. It is a time when our own life’s journey is keenly connected to that of Jesus’ Passion, Death, and Resurrection. As St Paul reminds us in his letter to the Romans, in baptism we have died with Christ, but we also will rise with Christ.

I have begun composing a new collection of music. The inspiration behind the music is the Paschal Mystery. On Easter Sunday I completed the first song. Today I present the second song, “Create In Me A Clean Heart.” It is inspired by this scripture by the prophet Ezechiel, “I will take you from the nations, and gather you from all the countries, and bring you into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water upon you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will remove from your body the heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will put my spirit within you, and make you follow my statutes and be careful to observe my ordinances. Then you shall live in the land that I gave to your ancestors; and you shall be my people, and I will be your God. (Ezechiel 36: 24-28)

The Paschal Mystery in our lives has a way of transforming our lives, as is expressed so well in this passage from the prophet Ezechiel.

Here is the music I just finished composing today. I dedicate it to my good friends, Fr. Larry and Diane Blake.

During Holy Week, I finished composing the ten piano songs of a collection I call, “From The LIps Of Babes And Children”. I copyrighted them with the U.S. Copyright Office, and self-published them through CD Baby. They are now appearing on Amazon, iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, YouTube, and other streaming sources.

They were composed over the past five and six weeks in response to the great anxiety, uncertainty, fear, and unsettledness so many are feeling because of the Covid-19 pandemic. I composed these songs as much for myself as I did for others (the saying, “Healer, heal thyself” comes to mind). The majority of the songs are peace-filled. While some are composed in the classical genre, there is one which clearly reflects the blues (The Book of Job Blues), a waltz (Waltz for John and Elaine Harty), and, lighthearted fun (A Frolic For Floyd, Henri, and Belle … our dogs who inspired the song). The Psalms, eg Psalm 84, Psalm 122, Psalm 8 etc are often more the inspiration behind these songs.

I encourage you to go to “Robert Charles Wagner” on YouTube and give them a free listen. If you really like them, you can download them from iTunes or Amazon. You will be out about $10 for all of them, or you can buy just the ones you like. I think I make about $.01 a listen on Spotify and Pandora … alas, I will never be rich, but then that has never been the reason I compose this music (though I won’t refuse that penny a listen). More importantly, if the music instills some peace in your lives, then the purpose of the song has been achieved.

God’s blessings on you during this time of unrest. May you know God’s peace.

Bob

The Octave of Easter is an interesting time in which the chronology of the days of the week are eliminated, the calendar is disregarded, and time suspended. In the Christian Koinonia (Koinonia is the original word used to describe the Christian community in the early history of Christianity. I am making a mindful step in eliminating the word “church” from my vocabulary. The word “church” comes from the German “kirche” which describes a building, NOT a community of faithful disciples of Jesus), we believe that the 7 days following Easter Sunday is all one and the same day, namely, Easter. This is reflected in the Liturgy of the Hours, in which the psalms and many of the readings are the same as Easter Sunday. After Evening Prayer (Vespers) tonight, the Octave will end.

In our “home church” service on Easter, Ruthie and I were reflecting that the uneasiness, the uncertainty, the anxiety, and the fears that have arisen from the Covid-19 pandemic is not dissimilar from that of the disciples of Jesus who hid themselves away from the scrutiny of the public behind the locked doors of the upper room. They were unsettled and fearful for their lives. During these days in which we are wisely staying at home, we are probably experiencing the unease at the same level as the disciples. We feel uncomfortable, and are afraid to step outside our doors. It is as if we are “oned” to the disciples of Jesus 2000 years ago. We have, in a sense, crawled into their bodies and feel everything they are feeling.

In the midst of this unsettledness and doubt, steps Jesus whose words, “Peace be with you,” begins to soften the fear, and settle the unsettledness of our lives. We are assurred by Jesus’ words, that, in spite of what may happen to us, whether we get infected or not, whether we die from this illness or not, we are embraced by the love and the peace of Christ Jesus. The “oneing” (to use the words of Julian of Norwich” we have with God which happened when the Incarnate God died on the cross is permanent. God’s love cannot be taken from us, in spite of ourselves and our shortcomings. The image I carry in my mind is that of Jesus encompassing all of humanity in a huge loving embrace. We are all held close to the breast of Christ who loves us so much.

It is in this image that I find peace. It is in this image that I know God still loves me, even when I don’t much love myself that much (alas, I am too well aware of my faults, my sins, my own brokenness). It is in this image that I know God will welcome me home when I die.

To this day, my favorite novel is Victor Hugo’s “Les Misérables”. It is probably the most Christian book ever written, and it puzzles me greatly and am scandalized that the Catholic Church had it on its list of condemned books for such a long time. I remember taking my daughters to see the staged opera (it is hardly what I would call a musical) of Lez Misérables at the Ordway Theater. I did warn them that I would be an embarrassment to them during the show. I brought a pocketful of Kleenex because I knew I would weep from the beginning notes of the opera to its closing scene.

This morning, when I awakened I turned on the television and on HBO was the movie musical version of Lez Misérables. Jean Valjean is at the convent dying and sings that beautiful song to God, asking God to forgive his sins and take him home to eternal life. Cosette and Marius, finding where he is, rush to be at his Valjean’s side. There appears to Valjean Cosette’s mother, Fantine, who had died earlier. Valjean had promised to the dying Fantine, that he would find her daughter Cosette and raise her as his own daughter. Fantine sings to Valjean to take her hand and accompany her to heaven. As he walks with her, he sees the Bishop of Digne, who had helped Valjean in his own conversion, hold out his hand and welcome him to heaven. As usual, I found myself reaching for Kleenex, again, overcome by the beauty of this scene.

This is what awaits us. This is what Easter is all about. A God who loves us so much. A God who is there for us as we leave this life and enter into eternal life. Though we all have our own passions and death, we are assured by the words of Paul, that we are also one with Christ in his resurrection. As we read the story of Jesus appearing to the disciples in the Upper Room, and Thomas kissing the hands of the resurrected Jesus, we know that in spite of our belief, or even unbelief, our certainty, and our doubting, that Jesus is, indeed, risen and is there to welcome us home.

Starting on HolyThursday (the beginning of the Triduum) I started a new collection of music based not only on the Paschal Mystery of Jesus, but as those baptized into Christ our own Paschal Mystery. We have just have to look around us, watch the news to find around us the incredible Paschal Mystery of which we all have a share. From the isolation in our homes, to the incredible people who are serving us in the hospitals, the clinics, the hardware stores, the gas stations, the grocery stores etc, we see people give of themselves in this worldwide Passion. As with Jesus’ Paschal Mystery, we know that through our sharing in Christ’s dying we will also share in his rising.

In this song, that leads off the collection, it is simply entitled “Prelude-Lord Have Mercy”. The image of Thomas, our favorite doubting apostle, comes to mind. We all have our doubting moments, but when Christ comes through for us, the only response we can muster, is “Lord, have mercy.”

Here is that song.

This is just a brief reflection for Holy Thursday.

The one primary image of this evening is not the Eucharist, at least, in John’s account of the Last Supper. Rather, it is Jesus washing the feet of his disciples. What follows this action is John’s account is the great discourse, in my opinion, of John’s Gospel, in which Jesus takes time to teach his disciples for the last time prior to his Passion, reassuring them of his love and protection in the danger, the confusion, and the fear of the next several days, and a very intimate conversation between Jesus and God his beloved Abba.

The one directive Jesus gives to his disciples is to love one another as he has loved them. This IS the Great Commandment of John’s Gospel. “Love one another as I have loved you!” This is later emphasized in the first letter of John, in which only those who love with the love of Christ are considered disciples of Jesus.

This is the kernel of all sacred scripture. All the words of the Bible boiled down to one essence, “love one another as I have loved you.” This is the primary message of these three days of the Triduum. Not reparation for sins, not satisfying the bloodlust of an angry God, it is only about how much God loves us as exemplified in the Jesus dying out of love for us!

As Ruthie, Luke and I were celebrating our own “Last Supper” ritual at home this evening, this is what we reflected upon after we proclaimed the readings of this night. While we didn’t use water to ritualize the action of Jesus in the Gospel, it was unnecessary. Ruthie and I have fallen into the practice of anointing one another’s feet every day. This began back in late June when I initially broke my left ankle. Confined to my chair, Ruthie would rub my feet with lotion to break down the dead skin on my feet and to encourage the new skin growing underneath. As I was finally able to stand and put weight on my left ankle, I, in turn, would anoint her feet with the same lotion, to ease the pain of her own feet.

I remember reading in a book many years ago from a therapist explaining the words “making love.” The author, a clinical therapist, wrote that making love was waking up and warming up the shower for a loved one, making coffee in the morning for their loved one. Making love was calling up the one we love in mid-day and ask them how their day was going, and upon arriving home, listen to their loved one’s day as dinner is prepared. Making love is cleaning up the dishes and putting the food away, and sitting with their loved one watching television or engaging in some entertainment. And after looking after one another throughout the day in these small things of life, making love just might be expressed in a sexual expression of love for one another. The therapist concluded, it mattered not whether the day ended in an expression of sexual love for one another, they had been making love all day.

All this came to my mind as I proclaimed the Gospel this evening for my family. And, I must say, that my beloved Ruth has been the greatest expression of love for me throughout my life. I will always be a mere apprentice to her who loves so much, who fulfills the commandment of Jesus in such outstanding ways.

To conclude, I wrote this little poem this past summer as I sat in the long isolation of my chair for three months about Ruth, which I think, expresses the message of the Gospel for tonight.

TRUE LOVE

My feet suspended
from the end of the
foot rest of my recliner.
Socks gently removed,
your hands warm the oil,
softly, tenderly massaging its
mysterious healing properties
into my dry heels,
my weary arches,
my sore soles and toes.
Your reflexology of love
simultaneously, lovingly
massaging my soul.

---

First, about Al and June Kattar. When Ruthie and I were in diaconal formation, we had Deacon Al and June Kattar teaching my class spiritual formation. They were two very dedicated servants of Christ and wonderful people. There were two songs that were overly used during my three years of diaconal formation: 1) Here I Am Lord (Dan Schutte and the St Louis Jesuits), and, 2) what I called, “the Oscar Meyer Wiener blessing”. I sang “Here I Am Lord” so many times, that I felt the desire to run and hide. As to the Oscar Meyer Wiener blessing (The Oscar Meyer wiener jingle went, “I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener, that is all I really want to be. For if I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener, everyone would be in love with me.”), the melody from the Oscar Meyer jingle was applied to these words, “May the blessing of the Lord be upon you. We bless you in the name of the Lord. May the blessing of the Lord be upon you. We bless you in the name of the Lord.”

As my diaconal formation class finished our time with Al and June, they wanted to give them a blessing. I suggested a different blessing, one that I had composed back in 1980 for the church folk group I was directing at St Wenceslaus when I was music director at the parish. This blessing was called, “God’s Love Be With You.” Over the years I rearranged from a simple two part harmony peace, to a full four-part choral piece. I taught my class the refrain, and we sang that as a blessing for Al and June.

About the song: The text came from blessings found in Psalms 85 and 122 and in Numbers. Here is the text of the song.

REFRAIN
God’s love be with you.
God’s peace be with you.
God’s love and peace be with you.

VERSE ONE
Our God proclaims peace to all people,
And to those who put in God all their hope.
Near indeed is God’s salvation
To those who hear God,
Glory dwelling in their land. (Psalm 85)

VERSE TWO
May peace be within your walls.
Prosperity in your buildings.
With all my relatives and my friends,
I say, “Peace be with you.” (Psalm 122)

VERSE THREE
May our God bless you and keep you.
May the face of our God shine upon you.
May our God be gracious to you,
And look upon you kindly and give you peace. (Numbers)

Over last night and through today (April 7) I recomposed the song for just piano. I thought it an appropriate way to end the music of Opus 12. I think this is especially needed during this time when so many are filled with anxiety over Covid-19 and all the devastation it has caused to human life. I hope that in the listening to this song, you will find a little peace in your life.

I originally composed a fragment of this song back in 1982 for my Music and Movement class in graduate school at the St Paul Seminary School of Divinity. I later expanded it into a musical setting describing Psalm 65.

“O God, to you we owe hymns of praise in Zion;
to you our vows must be fulfilled, 2 you who hear our prayers
and before whom all flesh must stand. 3 When we are overcome by our sins,
you provide the atonement for them. 4 Happy are those you choose, those you draw near
to dwell in your courts!
We are filled with the blessings of your house,

the holy things of your Temple! 5 With powerful deeds of justice
you answer us, God our Deliverer,
in whom all the ends of the earth
and the farthest seas put their trust. 6 You set the mountains in place by your power,
having armed yourself with might. 7 You still the roaring of the seas,
the roaring of the waves, and the tumult of the
  peoples. 8 And those who dwell at the ends of the earth
stand in awe of your marvels;
you make the sunrise and sunset shout for joy! 9 You nourish and water the land—

greatly you have enriched it. The streams of God are full of water;
you provide us with grain as you ordained. 10 Thus have you prepared the land:
drenching its furrows,
breaking up its clods, softening it with showers,
blessing its yield. 11 You have crowned the year with your bounty
and your paths overflow with a rich harvest; 12 the untilled meadows overflow with abundance,
and rejoicing clothes the hills. 13 The fields are covered with flocks
and the valleys are blanketed with grain. They shout and sing for joy!”

(Translation from the Priests for Equality. The Inclusive Bible . Sheed & Ward.)

Over the years, I would return to this song, making adjustments, adding a phrase, changing the harmonic rhythm. Over the past two days, I revisited it again, re-composing it as music for piano.

One of my finest mentors as a deacon is Deacon Len Shambour and his wife Ellie. Len has personified for me exactly what a Deacon is, that is Christ as Servant. Len has farmed all of his life. He has the remarkable ability to see the presence of God abound in the land, the crops, and livestock. Len and Ellie are wonderful examples of Jesus’ parable of the sowing of the seed. They are the seed that falls on good ground and yields a bountiful harvest. Combining his vocation as farmer, husband, and deacon, has been an incredible enrichment for the Church. I dedicated this song to Len and Ellie many years ago, and rededicate this incarnation of the song to them today.

I see this song as not only a prayer for Len and Ellie, but for all farmers whose love for the earth and hard work continue to feed us. It is a prayer for the safety of all farm families, for the upcoming planting season, especially during this time of the Covid-19 virus, and for a bountiful harvest in the Fall.

If you have been following this blog, you will know that I have been busy composing music. When the muse is upon me, I bow to the muse.

Mel Brooks, in his movie, “History of the World Part 1”, had Dom Deluise do a portrayal of a Roman Emperor. Deluise stood up in front of his court and announced in a loud voice, “The muse is upon me!” The room fell silent and they awaited the muse to work through Deluise. Deluise then belched. The muse can be like that. You think you have a good idea and then you look back at it and it is anything but inspired.

However, in the past four weeks, I have composed 8 piano songs. I have ideas for three more songs.

This song, “A Frolic For Floyd, Henri, and Belle” is, I think, one of those inspired moments. Though Floyd and and Henri are both long dead, I think the neighborhood still reverberates with their thunderous barks. Great Pyrenees are massive dogs and their bark is as massive. Belle, a Boxerdore (part Boxer, part Labrador), while not as massive as the Pyrs, is equally as active as the Pyrs were. The one thing these dogs all share in common is their love to frolic. The Pyrs loved winter, and they enjoyed to frolic, leap and bound through the deep snow. Belle equally loves to frolic, but prefers the warmer weather. Inside the house, she darts here and there with great speed, running from window to window, barking at children ony their bicycles, people walking other dogs, and anyone making any kind of a noise outside.

I decided to compose this song for Floyd, Henri, and Belle. Like all dogs, they had their moments of frenzied activity, especially heard in the first section, barking and running around the house. They also had their moments of laying still and taking a nap, represented by the slow section in 3/4 meter. Of course, we all know what happens when we don’t let sleeping dogs lay, they wake up and make up for the time they napped heard the recapitulation of the first frenetic melody. However, as night falls, and the day gradually fades away, it is time for another long sleep, and so the song ends, with the second melody as the dogs gradually sleep for the night.

I hope you enjoy it.

My good friend, John Harty, died this past March 31. He was 69 years old. I have known John since 1977 when we taught at St Wenceslaus School and worked at Ted’s Liquor store in New Prague. John and his wife, Elaine, lived in the upstairs apartment in a house two doors down from Ruthie and I. We remained very close to each other until 1986, when I began working at St Hubert Parish, 25 miles away, and Ruth began working full-time nights as a nurse. After many years, during which I ministered where the Archbishop wanted me (that pesky order of obedience to the bishop and his successors taken at ordination), I was assigned back at St Wenceslaus. And, though I was busy with ministry 24/7, Ruthie and I picked up our relationship with John and Elaine, again.

When Ruthie and I were living in poverty, trying to raise our children Andy, Luke, and Meg, on the measly church salary I was making, John and Elaine, gave Ruthie and I a respite from our poverty. I remember going to see the show, Beatlemania, at the Orpheum theater in Minneapolis, in which a really good tribute band played the music of the Beatles. John and Elaine treated us to that magical day. Their was the MEA holiday in which John and Elaine, Ruthie and I stayed at the Holiday Inn John’s dad owned. It was the first time Ruth and I had slept in a kingsize bed. I remember Ruthie and I “double dating” with John and Elaine and seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark. I related this story in a letter to Elaine this week.

“When Luke was a toddler, he loved his Fischer-Price toys. He was especially attached to one of the people that came with his Fischer-Price barn. He called the figure the “green man.” Of course, he dropped his green man in the backyard of the house you and John owned on Lyndale Ave, but didn’t notice it till we got home. Of course, Luke got upset. I remember combing your backyard at 8:30 at night with a flashlight looking for the green man in the green lawn of your backyard. When John saw me out in his yard he wanted to know what the hell I was doing. When I told him, he laughed his ass off. I never did find that green man, but fortunately, there was more than one green man that came with the Fischer-Price toy … Luke was never the wiser.”

John taught German and religion at St Wenceslaus School. After serving as principal of St Wenceslaus, John got a good paying job and taught German at New Prague High School. John has a good ear for languages, and his German was so flawless that native speakers didn’t know he was an American. He worked extra jobs to earn money to travel many times throughout Europe.

For as long as I have known John, his health has been fragile. He has had his share of surgeries and trouble with his heart. However, his health never prevented him from living life fully. When I was told of John’s death this past Wednesday, I was grief-stricken. My faith informs me that John has not died. His body just finally wore out, but John is alive and better than ever. Still, I will miss bullshitting with John and Elaine at the Fishtale Grill on Friday afternoons. He is and will always remain a good friend.

I composed this song for John and Elaine, yesterday, Friday, April 2nd. I composed it as a Waltz. John loved all things German, and while the music sounds perhaps more Viennese, ala John Strauss Jr, than Bavarian, I think there is enough um-pah-pah to pass as German.

Till we share a beer again, John, in heaven, know that you will always remain a good friend.